Listen!

For most of my life, I've had a difficult and strained relationship with my Mother. While that relationship is much better these days, I constantly find that the qualities I look for in my friends are not qualities my Mother possesses.

This morning, after arriving at the shop, my sister looked at me and said "You're troubled about something, let's smoke!"

Me - "I had a conversation with Mom last night and I was not kind to her and that always bothers me." Her - "What was it about?" Me - "Well, what it was about really isn't the issue, it's about a life long struggle that exists in my relationship with her. Either she doesn't listen to me when I talk or she chooses to ignore what I say and it makes me angry and it hurts my feelings."

My sister sympathized with me, she gets it, her issues with our Mother are even bigger than mine. After that conversation, I continued to sit outside smoking, alone. Thinking where did I get that "I want what I want or I'll have nothing at all" attitude that runs through me? (My mother is once again trying to fill-up my home with other peoples stuff, after being told over and over again "I want what I want and if it's not what I want, I'll have nothing!!!!!) Where did that come from? Why has it always meant so much to me to have what I want or have nothing? When I started listening to myself, the answer came and made me laugh out loud, it's the answer to so much of who I am and what I choose. And, I have my Mother to thank for that.

For many years, my Mother's best friend, Dorothea a/k/a/ Dottie, I called her Aunt Dottie, was a big part of my life. Aunt Dottie was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, tall, jet black hair, huge blue eyes, classy, fun, looked like an ice princess but had the personality of a dancehall girl. Her looks truly were deceiving, that cool, glamourous exterior and a furnace raging inside. Aunt Dottie was the person I wanted to be like. On summer vacations, when I came to visit my Mother, Aunt Dottie would take me, at least once and sometime two or three time, shopping at one of the finest stores in town (she didn't have a daughter, so I was her surrogate, she had two sons). We would walk in the back of the store, Aunt Dottie would hand me her credit card and say "Go get anything and everything you want Kid!!!!!! Aunt Dottie would head to be cocktail lounge in the back of the store to drink with the ranchers and oilmen who were drinking while their wives are girlfriends shopped. And I would buy anything and everything I wanted, she never complained about how much I bought or how much I spent, when I shared my purchases with her, you would have thought She was going to be the one wearing those thing she would get so excited! Those times were the only times in my childhood when I was given that much freedom and, I loved every minute of it. Since then, I've surrounded myself with "other Dottie's". The first being my friend Carol whose middle name actually is "Dorothea" (if she reads this she will kill me for revealing that, she hates that name). Since Aunt Dottie, my nearest and dearest girlfriends have been friends that were always willing to support me in getting what I want, right up to my CoCo, whom, even though Dorothea plays no part in her given name, is a bit Dottie! He!He!

And so, while sitting listening to myself, I got something big for that upset with my Mother. The quote for the day!!!!!

Listen to yourself. Listen to how you express yourself to others. Listen to what you say and how you say it. Listen to what you don't say when you could or should say something that could be uplifting to another. Listen to your heart and intuition. Listen to your attitude, feelings, and opinions. Listen to what your body tells you. Listen very carefully to that 'still small voice' within. Leaders listen to themselves very carefully, and then they earnestly and respectfully listen to the impact they have on others. Leaders pay attention and look for ways to effect others in a positive way."

-- Lloyd Thomas


God Bless the Dotties of My World! I thank you with all my heart!!!!!!!