Oh Yea!

"I would define boastfulness to be the pretension to good which the boaster does not possess."

-- Theophrastus
"Noise alone proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid."

-- Mark Twain

"There is a hidden benefit in another's blatant bragging, that the speaker is actually unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him by all means, draw it all out of him, and then hold him to it; inviting him to fully show up vs. show off."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes we just can't, don't, or won't hear ourselves as we talk about ourselves and/or our accomplishments in the world. At times we can often slip into being quite braggadocious, if not downright obnoxious. We often need people who really love us (and don't fear us) to let us know when we become so full of ourselves that we no longer see ourselves clearly. At times like these it's very important to remember that life is about really "showing up" for the relatively few people who really matter, vs. "showing off" for the much larger numbers who don't. And showing up has nothing to do with building oneself up; in fact, it has more to do with peeling away the "presentation layer" or "defensive armor" to get to one's core essence, and then sharing it with total vulnerability. -- Spivey

I Love This!

People are a lot like stained glass windows -- the full and true beauty can only be seen when there is abundant light shining from within, and when the viewer is standing back enough to take in the whole view, the big picture, what the 'artist' actually had in mind. Up too close, with a critical eye, you see only the imperfections in the glass. Standing back, taking everything in, you see the stunning artistry of the Maker's intended message. Also, and not coincidentally, the darker the night on the outside (in the form of the world's chaos, conflicts, death, fear, and struggles), the brighter and more beautifully the windows show up."

-- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Attached

Overcoming attachment does not mean becoming cold and indifferent. On the contrary, it means learning to have relaxed control over our mind through understanding the real causes of happiness and fulfillment, and this enables us to enjoy life more and suffer less.

-Kathleen McDonald

I agree with this quote but, I'm attached to my Princess, My CoCo, Rufus and my hippie coat and I'm not letting them go! They bring me happiness and fulfillment! I think I'll sleep in my coat tonight!

I agree!

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

-Maya Angelou

Please read!

Monday, August 21, 2006
"Drama makes the world go 'round, the world go 'round..."

www.santasmoon.blogspot.com

Thank you

Ahhhhhhh!

"You need only claim the events, decisions, and behaviors of your life to make yourself whole and yours again, ready for the giving."

-- Florida Scott-Maxwell

"Beep, Beep 'n' Beep Beep Yea!"

And the hits just keep on coming! During my darkness, I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of and don't feel good about but, I always, always took responsibility for the bad things I really did do when confronted about them!

But. . . one of the things that kept me in that darkness much longer than I ever should have been was "false accusations." I spent lot's of time lamenting "why don't they just speak what they "know" to be true, that's bad enough! Why am I being blamed for stuff I'm not doing and didn't do? Yuck! I figured out the reality of one of those false accusations years ago. I also knew that some of the accusations had absolutly nothing to do with me, they were about the person making them (who tht person is as a human being). But, there was one that I could not for the life of me explain or figure out. My question was "Why am I being accused of doing something I don't even have the skill or ability to do?" I guess I should have just felt flattered that there are those that think I'm so damn skillful and smart!

Today, the answer came!!!

This quote by Herbert Spencer has long been a favorite, I now think I need to read it daily. If I had done the investigation, I would have understood the false accusation years ago!

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

During a conversation with a friend yesterday, he told me about an experience he had had with someone, I had a difficult time accepting what he was telling me. That had not been my experience with that person and I told my friend that! (I'm always willing to stand-up for those I believe in.) Having been the one to put those two people together, I felt a bit responsible for what had transpired. As so often happens, I went to sleep with it on my mind. I woke up this morning with the answer! Because I was so caught up in feeling bad about a false accusation,having contempt and anger at the person who made it, I didn't ever do the investigation and was. . .therefore, ignorant! Without even realizing it until this morning, I had, in fact, had the very same experience with that person that my friend was talking about! I didn't realize that he was actually the person that did what I was being blamed for! Oh no! I actually made it all about the person making the accusation and never looked to see if there was an explanation. I cast some stones in his direction, but luckily only in my own world, not in the world at large! I apologize, nonetheless, I should have looked around instead of making an assumption, having contempt and feeling anger about the person that started what I believed was a false accusation. I now "know" it wasn't false, it was just aimed at the wrong person! Since this morning, I have done some further investigation and have discovered that it hasn't just happened to me or my friend, it's happened to 2 others that I talked to. I'm a bit stunned and saddened by the entire thing. Disappointed in someone whom I believed was a "stand-up" guy who did really good work! I'm also a little more than disappointed that I can now state without hesitation but without any pleasure, "I'm not skilled enough or smart enough to have done what that person did!"

And so, I must confess, I agree with Herbert once again when he said:

"When a man's knowledge is not in order, the more of it he has the greater will be his confusion."

My "knowledge" was not in order and the more confused and hurt I became! Look around, look around, put your emotions aside, there is always knowledge to be found!

I called the person and asked if what I now believe to be true is true and I know by his response that it is. I also contacted my friend that started the ball rolling and told him about what I had discovered and apologized for putting them together and no seeing it myself a whole lot soon. We both suffered heartache and frustration before of it. But, now it's over and it's just another thing to let go of from the dark time! "Beep, Beep ‘n' Beep, Beep Yea!

Thanks John Donlon!

Settle in, this is going to be a long blog!

As I always do, I have a song playing in my head this morning. Hearing this particular song in my head has brought up lot's of memories, some of them inspirational, some of them heart-wrenching. The song began playing in my head yesterday, after a conversation with my precious daughter, who continues to show herself to be more like me then I ever believe she is. I realized during that conversation that the things I say to her during our heart-wrenching conversations, when she's struggling with living life on her own terms, are the things I should have been saying to myself all the years of my life and wasn't. For many years I just hung onto the pain of being who I really am and didn't celebrate all the Grace available from experiencing the pain and getting to the other side of it. I don't want that for her, like me, my daughter is not a "skim the surface" person, she's a thinker and a person of convictions and beliefs. Unfortunately, like me also, she doesn't understand why the rest of the world doesn't seem to get it! My response to that feeling for most of my life has been to hide-out and avoid those that didn't seem to "get it"! It doesn't work, it doesn't feel good I don't want her to do that so I'm not going to anymore either!!!!

In that conversation I told her about a statement her father (also known as my x-husband) use to make about me, that statement was "Mia, you will march into Hell for someone you believe in but when you realize that person isn't marching into Hell with you, you beat them up! Not everyone is willing to work as hard or give up as much as you will give up, not even for themselves, much less someone else." (It's no a good idea to beat people up for not being why You are!) It's amazing the other times that "march into Hell" comment has shown up in my life. During my dark, dark days, my Coco would say "Meemo, one of the things I admire and respect about you the most is the fact that you will ‘march into Hell' for something or someone you believe in, but this time, you marched into Hell over a bed of burning coals barefooted!" (Not a good idea either. You shouldn't burn yourself for someone else's benefit, when you do, you lose your value you are to yourself and to others!) I've always wondered where that tendency of mine to "march into Hell" came from, it's a part of me that I love most! With the song playing in my head, I got the answer! This post is a celebration of the man that planted that seed and the man the seed was planted about.

My sister, who is 10 years older then I, was married to a man who was 12 years older than she. My beloved brother-in-law, who is no longer with us, was a defining influence in my life, more of an influence than I ever realized until today! John Brown was a wonderful, thoughtful, inspiring man. While he certainly had his shortcomings, like all of us do, the footprints he left on me are some of the most glorious and defining ones I have. I was never too young for him to have meaningful conversations with and I was never to young to hear his funny stories about the human behavior he encountered in his life and how he felt about it. He was conservative politically, deeply spiritual, a giver of gifts to keep forever. Upon my return from my time living in New York with my Dad, being very sad to be away from my Daddy, John Brown gave me a piece of art, the skyline of New York, so I could hang it on my wall, look at it and remember that wonderful time in my life. There were other gifts of that sort, thoughtful, considerate, lasting impression gifts. And, there were words, lot's of them. I realized this morning John Brown planted the "march into Hell" seed in me. The only other person I've ever heard that said about was my Dad and it was said by John Brown! I won't go into why he said that about my Dad, but it became such a statement by him to me about my Dad and how important it was to be that kind of a person, that he even gave me music that would help me "get that"! And now, I'm passing it on to my precious Daughter! Thank you John Donlon Brown, you were a marvelous human being and I miss you!

The song is from a broadway show, John Brown gave me the soundtrack. The line of the song that's playing in my head is "To be willing to march into Hell for a heavenly cause and I know if I'll only be true to that glorious quest then my heart will lay peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest." John Brown believed that, I believe that and I want my Precious Daughter to believe that also! The most glorious quest in life is to be true to who you really are, who God made you to be and what you believe in! So, march on my Precious Princess Daughter, but put your boots on please!

One more lesson for today, just because someone else says you are this or that, doesn't mean you are! Only You, by your actions, can say who you are in the world with any validity!!!!

Thank you Laran for bringing out my wonderful memories and the wonderful thoughts of the men who left their mark! Your existence in my life and the conversations we have are my own personal well of serendipity!!!!!!

Whew, do I get this? Absolutely! And, the way back is way longer!

"Indeed the safest, surest road to Hell is the gradual one -- the gentle slope unnoticed, soft underfoot, with no sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts letting us know that we've gone too far in our self-delusion and self-indulgence."

-- C.S. Lewis

Having a great weekend makes Monday's so much better!

I enjoyed my weekend a lot and I've very happy to report that the Princess landed safely, home from her Canadian Adverture!!!!

Contemplating My Thumb

My Precious Princess Daughter is vacationing in Canada with a group of friends and her husband. While sitting here, studying my thumb and hearing "her" voice in my head, I realized that quite often I read her blog and it is me that she is writing about. The quirky things I do, the unusual habits I have that she finds entertaining.

While contemplating my thumb I realized once again how fortunate I am to have a daughter that I love, I like and that I'm madly in Love with. A daughter who is very different from me, but appreciates me nonetheless!!!! A daughter who has a great time doing things the right way, unlike her renegade mother who has always had a great time doing it a different way!

Butterfly

God loves the caterpillar as much as the butterfly, knowing that the former leads perfectly to the latter when we surrender to the design of the system. When we hold ourselves in it in isolation and fear, in denial, prideful, overcompensating, gorging ourselves endlessly and uncontrollably, we can literally blow ourselves up, but that is not the design, only our obstinant refusal to embrace truth.

"Only when I am desperately pretending to be a butterfly do I view the caterpillar in others with disdain. This is what self-hate looks like - 'judging the caterpillar.' The true butterfly in me looks back on the caterpillar in others with awe and wonder, with great hope and anticipation, knowing what's surely unfolding."

Interesting

My heritage is English, Irish, Scottish and French. August 1st is in the blood!

Right on Time!

August 1, 2006
A Festival Of Transition
Lughnasa And Lammas

To ancient peoples, the yearly harvest was a reflection of the human cycle of birth and death. The reaping of food crops was associated with the spiritual abundance that sustained the soul. Yet harvest times were also a portent of autumn's chill and winter's harsh frosts. The Celtic peoples of centuries past acknowledged the season's first harvest with the festival of Lughnasa, the feast of the first fruits. Celebrated on August 1, it marked the midpoint between Beltane in May and Samhain in November, and symbolized a turning point in the lifecycle of Mother Earth. It was both a joyous celebration of plenty and a solemn wake for the decline of the potency of the sun god Lugh, from which the festival takes its name.

What we know of Lughnasa, known also as Lammas, or the celebration of loaves, has survived in the rituals that are still practiced to this day. It is associated with grain, fruit, flowers, water, and soil, and celebrated atop summits as well as in the depths of holy wells. Traditionally, people assembled on hilltops to pick berries and engage in mock battles-the profusion of the gathered fruits and the results of the mock battles were believed to predict the outcome of the yearly harvest. Many visited ancient wells whose healing abilities were thought to be most potent on Lughnasa. Grand fairs and feasts were held, during which a portion of the newly picked grains were baked into man-shaped loaves commemorating the coming demise of Lugh. The descendants of those who first celebrated the summer harvest keep the traditions of Lughnasa alive in the fairs and sporting events that take place on August 1 throughout Ireland, England, Scotland, and Wales.

Lughnasa is primarily a festival of transition and thus presents a wonderful opportunity to consider how our lives have changed in the recent past. If you choose to celebrate the harvest by baking bread, adding ingredients you have reaped from your own garden will reinforce your connection to the earth. Consume your bread with loved ones while openly sharing stories of the new beginnings you are currently celebrating and the endings you are mourning. As you honor the cyclical nature of existence, reflect upon the fact that just as there is joy to be found in the sowing and reaping, each of life's phases is worthy of celebration too.

August 1, 1998 - August 1, 2006

It's been said that life runs in a cycle of seven years. If I look back over my life, I tend to agree with that. Of course, if you look at the above dates you will count 8 years, so an explanation is in order.

On August 1, 1998, I made a choose to do something that totally changed my life from top to bottom. It was the beginning of a change in the darkness that I had been experiencing since January of 1998, and it was also the beginning of some really good things, work I'm proud of and seeing a good side of myself that I never knew existed. Unfortunately, it was also the beginning of a dark side of me that I never knew I had showing up!

When I woke up this morning and realized what this date is the anniversary of, I also thought about that "7-year cycle" thing. In August of 2005 that 7-year cycle ended and my life began again. A new job, a new place to life, loads of problems and issues behind me. The last year has been the best I've had in longer than I can remember. Yes, there have been some stops and starts, but mostly starts. Yes, there are things I still need to do to put that darkness to rest, but now, I know I have the strength to do those things!

In the past year, I've finally gotten to a place of forgiving myself, and any and all others that ever did anything that caused me pain, whether they knew they were doing it or not! Hurrah, no more poison for me! I also let go of somethings and some people who were not really who they said there were. I feel like I've come back home, my life is full of close, intimate friends that I trust beyond all else, it's the only kind of life I've ever felt comfortable with. A cheerleader I have never been and never wanted to be.


August 1st will forever be one of those defining dates in my life but, just like January 15th, the sorrow has been felt and has moved on and those dates now are full of sweet memories of those that I've loved and the adventures we shared.

With the acknowledgment of the new cycle my life is now in, I thought a new look was appropriate, I hope you like it!!!!!!