Hope Your 2007 Fireworks are Spectacular!

Live Each Day . . .

Another year gone by. It's difficult for me to believe that on January 15, 2007, my beloved Daddy will have been gone for 9 years! I still think about him everyday, I still miss him everyday. Thinking about him this New Year's Eve, my thoughts are more about all that he gave me that I'm so very grateful for. And I loved him more than words can tell. On my 18th birthday, he gave me a poem that he believed was a good road map for living life. I framed it and I kept it on my nightstand until the day that I passed it on to my Princess. I printed another one for myself and kept it close by. Unfortunately, I think my Dad would say I haven't read it enough these last 9 years. One of my New Year's resolutions . . . to read it everyday and to do my very best to live by it. I thought I'd share it with you and I hope you will make it part of your days too!

Live each day to the fullest. . .
Get the most from each hour, each day,
and each age of your life.
Then you can look forward with confidence,
and back without regrets.
Be yourself - but be your best self.
Dare to be different
and to follow your own star.
And don't be afraid to be happy.
Enjoy what is beautiful.
Love with all your heart and soul.
Believe that those you love,
love you.
When you are faced with decisions,
make that decision as wisely as possible -
then forget it.
The moment of absolute certainty
never arrives.
And above all else, remember that
God helps those who help themselves.
Act as if everything depended upon you,
and pray as if everything depended upon God.
-- S. H. Payer

Happy New Year one and all!

Starting the New Year Early - With One of those Interesting Faces I Love So Much!

Whose Interesting Face is this?

Who took this amazing photograph?

This face belongs to the daughter of a friend! The photograph was taken by my friend, her Mother! What an amazing face and photograph! To me, this photograph shows a face full of wonderment, excitement and happiness. If you want to know more about the person that possesses this fabulous face, go visit www.sugar-bliss.com. She's not just great to look at, she's talented and creative too! I know she gets at least part of her fabulous face, her talent, creativeness and I'm sure her great personality, from her Mother, I think her father possesses those things too!

Christmas has come and gone!

Here it is, December 26th, another Christmas has come and gone! This year, my holidays were, finally, enjoyable for me. After years of missing my Dad and Grandmother and thinking that the holidays would never again be as enjoyable for me without them, I'm happy to report that while I do and always will miss them, I loved Thanksgiving and Christmas this year! It was actually a bit surprising to me and to Santa too!

On Saturday night, at dinner, I found myself playing with Alexis and Paris (two of my step-granddaughters). Being playful is something I haven't done much of these last few years. Alexis and I actually had a conversation (she'll be 5 soon) about "slime" there's a new kind out, it's different from the old "slime" it has bumps in it! And, more than once, I saw Paris justing standing or sitting looking at me (she's 3). She was probably thinking "Oh my goodness Spicy actually talks and laughs!" I haven't interacted with this children much until that night. I loved every minute of it and it's just the beginning of a whole lot more of playing with those children.

On Christmas Eve, Laran and I went to Candle Light service at the beautiful old Methodist Church on the SMU campus, the service was beautiful, the church is beautiful and everyone there was in the spirit. Laran hadn't ever been to candlelight service before and it was an incredible gift to have her next to me for her first one. Going to candlelight service on Christmas Eve is my new tradition. Christmas Eve, my parents arrived, I was happy to see them! After a recent conversation with "The Princess" www.santasmoon.blogspot.com I've had a whole new attitude toward my mother, and for Christmas I gave her a book about "Love" inside the book of quotes and comments about Love, I wrote my own book to her about the love I want to share with her. I showed her more of myself in my writings then I ever have before, I'm going to give her all the love I can, so she'll have plenty to give me back! And, of course, along with her came my jewel of a step-father, a wonderful man, kind, loving, gentle man. We had a great dinner prepared by The Chef, friends came to visit for dessert and I was off to bed early to get ready for Santa's arrival the next morning.

Christmas Morning, Santa had been there with great stuff, breakfast prepared by The Princess and then gifts were exchanged with family! The Chef had written The Princess a book of instructions for receiving her gifts, it was great fun to watch as she discovered her stuff. It's a wonderful feeling to know that her husband loves her so much!

Then back to Houston with a smile on my face, all the while thinking about my most treasured gift. Laran and Greg chose two charities to give to this season. The North Dallas Food Bank and The Smile Foundation! They made donations in honor of some of us to one of those charities. The donation in my honor was made to The Smile Foundation! And Smile I did during the holiday and the coming year will bring more Smiles from me. It's a gift indeed to be able to smile without a flaw and to look around my family and see their smiling faces. I'm honored and pleased that I had a donation made to The Smile Foundation for me! My charity for this season was the Susan Koman Breast Cancer Foundation.

Hope all of you have a Smiling New Year!

Make New Friends but Keep the Old

I had a wonderful converation with a friend last night that's been missing from my life for a while. I've missed her everyday. After our conversation, she emailed me some pictures she took on a recent trip to Ireland. As always, her pictures are incredible. Her photographs are better then most professionals.

I decided to post this particular picture because I'm so grateful that the road I'm on in my life has led me back to her! Nothing can lift my spirits like hearing her giggle! Welcome back, my friend!

Making My Own Way

My memories of Christmas have always been and still are a bit of a shaky experience. As a child, before my parents divorced, I remember waking up very early Christmas morning to see what Santa had brought, only to be told almost immediately to choose one thing to take with me and then it was into the car for the 4 hour drive to Dallas to celebrate Christmas at my two grandmothers' houses. (Christmas was about my parents being with their parents on Christmas). After my parents divorced, my biggest memory of Christmas is the time spent late on Christmas Eve sitting in a car on a dark parking lot half way between the Grandmother's houses, waiting to be picked up by whichever parent had possession on Christmas Day (those parking lots were cold, dark and lonely places).

Once I was old enough to decide what I wanted my Christmas to look like, I stayed in my own Home! Santa Claus coming down the chimney to visit my Princess. Cooking Christmas Dinner for my Daddy and Grandmother, I loved those Christmases, I miss those Christmases. Now that my Princess is married (and ironically has chosen to live in Dallas), and my Daddy and Grandmother have taken up residence in the Heavens Above, I'll be on the road, in a car once again this Christmas.

In a conversation with my Princess last night, she was asking me questions, is this ok, absolutely, is that ok, I don't know. I don't know for sure want I want to do yet. And, there are some moments of this holiday season that I truly don't know yet what I want them to look like. But, here's what I do know.

I'm looking forward to being in my Lincoln headed north to be with my Princess and her Prince. I'm very pleased to be spending an evening with Brett, Tiffany, Alexis and Paris! I'm looking forward to some really good pictures of those people that I love so much. It's an amazing thing, I've always felt very close to the Princess and her half-sister Shelly, but evidently, in so way, Laran's half-brother Brett, I think may have missed me too while I was missing during my dark, dark days. Whenever we're all together now, he stays close and on more than one occasion, he's told me how happy he is that I'm back and how proud he is of the fight I waged to get back. Brett has even begun to ask questions about all that went on during that time. "Why did you go away?" I'm happy about that, I want him to know whatever he needs to know about that time in my life. There is a new, gentle love and acceptance between the two of us, and I love that it's there!

I'm going to Candlelight Service on Christmas Eve at the beautiful Methodist Church on the SMU campus. I'll spend Christmas Eve with the Princess, her Prince, my Mother, my Step-father and others that Laran has invited to join up. Christmas Morning, Santa and Breakfast, the rest of Christmas Day is the question. Where do I want to be, who do I want to be with, what do I want that day to look like? I just don't know yet. What I do know though is that I'll be grateful for all the love I've felt and still feel in my heart for those that are gone and those that are still here. I'll be grateful for all the things I don't have that I don't want and I'll be grateful for all that I've had and do have that I do want! Christmas Day, I'll love me, in whatever way the mood requests.

And, speaking of the mood, I'll see you next year, which will be the next time I'll be sitting her. I wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and most of all Christmas Kisses from those You Love! God Bless, May you celebrate this Christmas Season in Grace!

Ahhhhhh!

"Being loving doesn't mean you have to be soft and weak. Being understanding doesn't mean you don't ever draw the line. Being accepting doesn't mean you don't identify and correct mistakes." -- Christopher Moors

Who are these Interesting Faces????

They are Princess Laran, her half-sister, Shelly and her half-brother Brett! Shelly and Brett have been in my life since Shelly was 8 and Brett was 4! They were kind enough to let me "practice" being a mother before I had my Princess Daughter! They even ate my "hot, spicy" food without complaint!

I'm happy to report that all three of these people that I've loved so much for so long, have become happy, successful people that anyone would be privileged to know!

Thanks guys for being all that you are and for making me so very proud! I love you all madly!!!!! Mamma Mia, The Spicy Meatball

Hmmmmmmm!

"To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems totally hopeless." -- Gilbert K. Chesterton

A Vision To Live By

Go for what you want…in spite of the evidence.
Remove the muzzle and be authentically YOU.
Approach every "problem" as an opportunity.
Make your enemies your friends.
Know that you're doing the best you can (for now).
Recognize that you're enough.
Express gratitude by giving fully and freely.
Invite into your life only what you really want.
Live as if there are no wrong moves.
Choose beliefs that lead to happiness, love and God.
Encourage the miraculous by believing in the "impossible."

A Reason, A Season And a Lifetime!

It's true, some people show up in your life for a "reason" others for a "season" and some for a "lifetime." Then, you meet someone who is a "reason" a "season" and a "lifetime." I'd like to introduce you to one of those people in my life!

Her name is Cindy, she lives in New York, I met her in 1969, yep 1969! The Reason - she was the only real friend I made while there (once Cindy showed up, I didn't need anyone else). Cindy was one of the "reasons" that time of my life was so wonderful. Cindy was so very different from me, but became a very large part of my heart. We were both in a hurry, during that "season" to grow up and do our own thing! Cindy and I were commuting from Staten Island to Manhattan (I'm sure we were quite a pair, running onto that ferry to get the best "smokin" seats, Cindy, petite, long black flowing hair, me, the tall Texas with blonde hair down to there). One of my very favorite movies was made years later by Mike Nicols, "Working Girl", I love that movie, it reminds me of Us!

Cindy had a birthday last week, I sent her an email birthday card. A couple of days went by, no response. My world began to feel a bit tilted! Where is she? I send an email, "Cin, where are you, are you out there? I'm getting a bit scared, I haven't heard from you. "

Cindy writes back "Thanks for the wishes, I know I'm always in your thoughts! I was in Bermuda!" Ahhhh! All is right with my world again, she's right there!

When someone shows up in your life that is a "reason" a "season" and a "lifetime" they take up residence in your heart, and they dwell there forever! I got an email from her this morning with some pictures attached. Cindy says: "You will love this picture of my sister, my daughter and me. I'm so conservative." I have news for you Cin, I'm a bit conservative too! Something no one would have accused either of us of being all those years ago! Thanks for picture, I do love it, and I love you too!

While thinking about a recent event in my own life and after having a lenghty conversation with someone I've cared about for a long time yesterday, I woke up this morning thinking about how people (myself included) will hang on to a situation or a relationship even with the knowledge that it's not a relationship that's good for them or that works for their life. It's hard to let go and make a change in our lives. It's difficult to look in a different direction, it sometimes seems easier to "overlook" then to accept and let go. And, as so often happens, Mr. Spivey's message this morning landed right in the middle of my thinking. Thought I'd share part of it with you.

"Whether in your relationship with your Creator (the Big Kahuna of life issues), your marriage (certainly the hardest relational "assignment" there is), your parenthood (enough to make you crazy at times), your family of origin (why you might be crazy to begin with), your friendships and community life (like there's really any time for that), or your professional "work" or service "calling" (the thing we tend to put first so that we can have at least an occasional feeling of competence), we have to always be willing to look at the possibility that we have somehow gotten it all wrong with our best ideas and efforts, that we just might be totally off base, lulled into a false sense of security (or insecurity, strangely enough) by our own fragile ego and way of thinking. It is usually only then that we are in a position to change significantly for the better, and, sadly, we usually need to be beaten up pretty good by life and by the ramifications of our choices before we will ever acknowledge this possibility of being dead wrong - about situations, ourselves, and/or others - and accept change for our own good. We definitely are stubborn about it, but once we wake up and let go, it is truly amazing what God can do with our whole lives (saving us and benefitting others as He sees fit), vs. our tattered leftovers (where we tried to save ourselves, and it both killed us and benefit no one)." --Jim Spivey

Months ago, when The Princess, wrote this on her blog, I loved it, I laughed about it and I realized how true it truly is. So, I'm posting it here, with one minor change! Because, I'm at it again, on the hunt for the perfect "blonde." I have a plan, it's a progression, stay tuned, I'll let you know if I EVER reach that destination!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Since my mom refuses to blog regularly, I will do one in her honor.One thing you can always count on with my Mom is the ever-changing hair color. I truly believe she has been every shade of blonde, and even brunette once, throughout her life.

She was naturally a toe head as a toddler, dirty blonde with a magnificent bright blonde streak in the front of her head up until her teens and it wasn't long before one her good friends, Gail I think it was, got a hold of her and turned her dirty blonde with streak into one fully blonde head of electrifying hair. Since then my Mom has been everything from platinum, copper, honey, wheat, oat and canary. Isn't this starting to sound like a Kellogg's cereal!!??My Mom's joke has always been that she's "worth it" much like Heather Locklear in those L'Oreal hair color ads. Heather is just one of many famous women whose hair has been the envy of my blonde ambitious mother, who has been on a lifelong journey for the "perfect blonde."

I really think her hair color directly relates to how my Mom is feeling in her life. Thinking back on that short-lived stint of short and dark brown, I believe my Mother was going through some new and different experiences at that time and her hair color definitely showed that. On my wedding day, my Mom showed her pride and excitement for me by coloring her hair a brilliant shade of canary. I thought it looked fabulous, especially with the 'do the hairdresser gave her for the day, but she wasn't so hot on those electrifying locks.

Quite the foil to my colorful Mother, my hair has not changed much at all in my almost 27 years. I was bright white as a child, as well, and I had nice dirty blonde with tempting streaks, nothing as fabulous as Mom's, up until college. But when I graduated from college and friends began referring to me as the "brunette friend," I suddenly felt what my Mom has probably felt all these years. When you see yourself as "worth it," a head-spinning, fun-loving blonde, only to be shockingly called a brunette, you find that part of the way you have seen yourself has been rattled. I knew something had to be done. Well, I didn't go quite as crazy as my Mom and her friends have gone on my Mom's hair all of these years, but I did begin getting timid "around the face highlights." Like my Mother, it makes me feel pretty and excited and, in a way, more like myself when I finish that re-blonding process.

These days my Mother has taken a more subdued view how she would like her hair color. I think she is more settled and comfortable with who she is and where she has come from.

We are going together to get our hair done in about a month when she comes to visit. This is an event we've never shared together and I am very excited. Something that has been such a big part of who she is, will now be something I share with her.

Thanks, Mom, for all of the not-so-blonde moments and the electrifying memories. They say so much about the old soul, hippie chick that you are, as well as the chic, classy character that resides within you.

Here's to platinum memories and champagne dreams...

As previously stated, according to www.animalinyou.com I'm one of these!

Which one do You think I am? It was so much fun hearing for some of you that you had taken the test and what You are . . . thanks for playing!

Tiger Tigers are handsome and powerful people with an innate self-confidence and elegance. There's a sense of immediacy and an aura of electricity that surrounds the tiger, and when it walks into a room, something always seems about to happen. Medium to large Handsome Discerning Curious Fashionable Courageous Dynamic Loner Conceited Aggressive Power-hungry

Wildcat With their well-deserved reputations as creatures of comfort, wildcats jealously guard their independence while indulging in the finer things in life. Attractive, solitary, creative, and curious, these individuals are quite happy to observe the world from a distance. Small to medium size Attractive Spiritual Curious Sexy Autonomous Self-indulgent Fickle Brooding Unpredictable Uncommitted

Bear Conflicting forces shape the bear's nature. Since it is a classic omnivore, it exhibits two distinct sides to its personality. The carnivorous component makes the bear gruff and powerful, while its herbivorous side reveals a sensitive and intelligent individual. Larger Interesting Confident Protective Courageous Ethical Aggressive Blunt Insensitive Overpowering

My Thanksgiving!

I love making that round trip road trip to Dallas. This Thanksgiving was no different! The trees were the most beautiful colors, every shade of red, gold, purple and green you can imagine! A feast for the eyes, and I enjoyed every minute of the drive.

I had Thanksgiving Dinner with the "Irish" side of The Princesses' Husband's family. Irish New Yorkers! Great company, fabulous food and great talkers. Then, it was on to the home of the friends that hosted Laran and Greg's wedding reception few years back. On this night, unlike on their wedding day, the house was quiet, gently lit with candles, wonderful music playing in the background, family and friends. The evening was very enjoyable and relaxing. Jimmy & Shelly Mussleman and their 4 children (all close in age to The Princess) are all wonderful, interesting, enjoyable people. It was a delight to spend the evening with them.


Back home and happy to be here. I have so much to be thankful for, I wouldn't even know where to begin, so I'll simply say I'm thankful for family, good friends, and for this year of having them all near. Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving!

My meandering mind!

Sitting here this morning, looking around me, a question. What do the things we collect and the gifts we're given mean, if anything? On a search I went! The first thing I ever collected was giraffes, giraffes here, giraffes there. I go out on the internet and discover that the giraffe is quite often referred to as "the tall blonde of the zoo!" There have even been books written about the "tall-blonde" of the Zoo! Then it's on to, Well, what kind of personality do giraffes have? And I found another book and website www.animalinyou.com and a description of "giraffes!" See Below!

GiraffeGenera and species: Giraffa camelopardalis Collective Term: A loft of giraffe

Description:
Giraffes are graceful, well-groomed individuals who move with the confidence and elegance found only in the big game animals. Michael Jordan is a typical giraffe. Tall, good-looking, and successful, he stands heads and shoulders above the rest of the animal kingdom. In full stride, giraffes look like they're flying -- their long legs pumping as they gallop effortlessly through life.
Giraffes are not arrogant but have an extraordinary need to be the center of attention. Although their highly visible frames make them somewhat self-conscious, they would never dream of hiding their height by stooping. So even though they might capitalize on their size by becoming models or athletes, they perpetually worry about what other people think -- knowing that they're an easy target for jealous backbiters. Since most of the giraffe's self-confidence is the product of its physical stature, it is fastidious about its appearance. A giraffe's tastes in consumer goods are refined and expensive, leaning toward Armani and Mercedes.
Intellectually, giraffes are no owls, but then they've never had to rely on their wits to compete in life. Instead, their graceful presence and charm have provided it with a serene and gentle passage. When necessary though, they display a sharp wit and have an engaging sense of humor and a ready smile. Other than personal possessions that enhance their prestige they have little need for worldly goods, and with a definite taste for quality, they would rather own a few prized possessions than anything at all.
The giraffe's social circle is expansive and discriminating -- the guest list at giraffe's wedding reading like a Who's Who. Delighting in little extravagances like imported champagne, no expense is spared when the giraffe entertains its guests. But the giraffes' ambitions are limited to having a comfortable living environment, close friends and universal admiration. Their sense of the aesthetic makes them natural for the creative arts including writing and acting.
When it comes to reproduction, giraffes usually only spawn one or two descendants who get spoiled rotten from over-attention. In general, giraffes are casual parents and their liberal views are evident in the free reign they give their offspring.

Even though I share some characteristics with the "Giraffe" some things about the giraffe, I don't see in myself at all. Maybe those are qualities I'd like to have!
But, I do Love Armani!

Next, on to the Roosters I have recently started to acquire! Started by my sister, enhanced by another sister, Rufus, and committed to by Me! Never knew I liked Rooster, but now I can't live without them, I buy them, I pet the ones I have, I'm fascinated by them! European Roosters, of course, not the "country" variety!

So, tell me about Roosters!!!

Roosters: (also from www.animalinyou.com )

Roosters are those talented, creative, but somewhat eccentric people who make life interesting for the rest of us. Their bird-like minds are always on the lookout for stimulation and roosters display the characteristically high-energy behavior of their species. They are artistic, creative, and sophisticated with a thorough knowledge of fine wines, cooking, writing, theater and painting. Subscribing to the early bird maxim, roosters rise a little earlier than their competition and could even be accused of having their fingers in too many pies. For the world is so fascinating to the rooster, that settling down into any one career would be impossibly constricting. Unfortunately, their earning potential can suffer in a competitive world that rewards specialization. But, roosters will succeed when they choose a career that presents a variety of challenges, such as medicine, publishing, journalism, or acting.
There's a touch of glamour in everything the rooster does -- for settling for less would be exasperating to the rooster's essence. Why take the train if you can fly? This philosophy pervades its personal life, for the rooster proves to be a perfectionist in the bedroom too. Of course, roosters are not above crowing a little, if they feel that their efforts have gone unnoticed. But in the long run, partners have few complaints holding their rooster lover in the highest regard as paramour.
Their ideal mates include peacocks who are attracted to their strong demeanor and flashy style. They are incorrigible flirts and although successful in attracting mates, their egos sometimes drive potential partners away. When sufficiently motivated by the right partner however, the rooster will generally find a way to make the relationship work.
As a parent, it is fussy and attentive. Like the proverbial brooding hen, it is involved with every aspect of its children's lives; including their dress and company they keep; some even accuse the rooster of being overprotective. Although its children might resent their parent's interference, they learn to appreciate their concerns as they mature. The more reserved animal personalities such as bats, bison and moles find them to be fussy and bossy, and snake and canine personalities should be studiously avoided.
A rooster will not be silent while there's breath in its body and although its powerful voice tends to be on the shrill side -- when it calls for action, everyone responds. Fueled by resentment of their brazen style, these saucy birds hear a lot of unkind remarks from members of their own species and these barbs tear at their self-esteem. But when things look bleak, they stick to their guns, redouble their efforts, and live by the motto: if at first you don't suck seed, try drier grain.

This one made me laugh like crazy! Is this how the "sisters" see me? Yep, probably so!

And then, of course, the Cow! The animal that has brought more fun into my life then any other! Laughter, pleasure and pure fun! Being called a "cow" can change your life for the better! Thank you Mr. N for that cow compliment, we’ve had a blast with it! The "hallmark" of a cow is "giving" and "producing" what could be better than That?

Of course, I prefer cows that are a "work of art!" One of my favorites in the "Cow Parade" is from the Houston Cow Parade, visit www.cowparade.com and see "Cow Power of Houston!" She’s a true beauty with the sky line of Houston on her ample belly! Yea Cows!

A few years ago, I was at St. Luke’s Hospital, a stressful day indeed, my step-father was having heart problems. I went outside to smoke and as I meandered down the street I looked around a corner and what did I see? My goodness every single one of the cows in the Houston Cow Parade! All gathered in one place for an exhibition! I ran from Cow to Cow embracing everyone and delighting in their shape and the beautiful artwork with which they had been graced! It put a smile on my face and made the day more bearable for me!

So, maybe the things we collect or the way people see us, does play a part in who we are as Humans! I took the test at www.animalinyou.com and according to it, I'm a Bear, Wild Cat or a Tiger! Could I Really be all of This and That? Go take the test and see what you are too, I'd love to hear the answer to that for each one of You!

Have a zooful day!

The Sound of Silence

It's wonderful and amazing to be blessed with some of the people I've been blessed with in my life. It's also amazing how somone near and dear can be experiencing something in their life, that completely mirrors your own feelings about events in your own life. These feelings, emotions and words landed in my world as words I would like for the whole world to read! I'm doing my part to put these words out into the world! I borrowed the following blog from www.myspace.com/lisabravo . A very interesting blog to read. Intelligent, insightful, inspiring! And for some fun visit www.myspace.com/mrsneugast . Go visit, leave your comments and thoughts, I promise you won't be bored either place. Moo Moo, thanks for being you, for having the brain you have, for using it and for sharing it and, for those marvelous blue eyes in front of that brain that see so much!

The Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson achieved immortality through his classic books "Treasure Island" and "The Strange Case of Dr Jeckyll and Mister Hyde." He was quite popular and even a celebrity in his day, but his reception in the literary community was that of a B-List author who wrote in the less respected genre's of children's literature and horror. Although he was an accomplished poet, novelist and essayist, he was one of pop culture's first cast- offs. Until recently, he was left out of the "Oxford Anthology of English Literature" dismissed as unimportant. It is no wonder the man suffered poor health and depression.I have not read any of his more famous works, but have always appreciated his quote "The cruelest lies are often told in silence." The line comes from his essay called "Truth of Intercourse." It was written in the late 1800s but the sentiment remains a univeral truth. He goes on to say "A man may have sat in a room for hours and not opened his teeth, and yet come out of that room a disloyal friend or a vile calumniator." Very perceptive and well said. I wonder what Mr. Stevenson thought about the concept of not telling someone something "for their own good," and who's integrity is actually being compromised in that scenario.There are people (or should I say vile calumniators) that have passed in and out of my life that I wish I could share these words with, and more importantly, hope they could understand the importance of the statement and how damaging their deafening silence has been. Cruel, indeed.Ultimately, Robert Louis Stevenson has ended up the 25th most translated author in the world. Not too shabby. And though there are those who have regarded his work to be not unlike the "Gilligan's Island" of literature, I've always had great respect for things that achieve greatness through popularity. Robert Lewis Stevenson, I salute you."

Goal For the Day!

Cultivate Loving-Kindness!

What to talk about today?

The Princess was in charge of a groundbreaking event for her employer on Friday. Lunch for 300 on the grounds where the new medical facility will be built. During a week when she had to turn in a paper in her "Culture of the Sixties" Masters class at SMU, stand up in front of that class and give a presentation on her paper, she was also in charge of every aspect of this huge, important event! Being someone that's planned large parties, produced live video filmings, among other things, I have an appreciation for all that she was going through. Yesterday, she was gracious enough to share the emails with me that she received from everyone from the President of the Foundation she works for to her co-workers. It made my heart sing to read the praise being heaped upon my Princess, from the top of the ladder to those that stand on the same rung as she! What a huge compliment! With a song in my heart, I re-read those emails this morning! While reading them, it occurred to me that the one that really meant the most to me was an email written to me by The Princess. In that email she said, in part:

"I almost called you crying yesterday after I got back to my office after the event because I was so, so proud of myself. This was long before the e-mails started or before the phone calls came in…I was just so proud because I KNEW in my heart what a great job I had done and how much it means to all those involved. That, I must say, is the best feeling in the world. And I knew, as my Mother, you would totally understand my complete and utter pride in myself.

. . . I couldn’t be happier right now and I want to bask in it. Thank you for giving me the ability to be this happy for myself and to be this proud of myself. Without self-esteem and confidence and a good head on my shoulders, which you so helped me to have, I could not have done any of this and I could not feel this good today about it all. . ."

Of course, the acknowledgement, compliments and gratitude from my daughter to me, are very appreciated and I will hold them in my heart forever. But, the most powerful part of her email, is the realization that each and everyone of us have access to feeling this very same way about ourselves by the way we choose to live each day. And, if we are choosing to have less, we are cheating ourselves! We will have missed what Life is truly about, and what God intended for our days to look and feel like! It doesn't have to be a "groundbreaking" or a "presentation in a masters class" it can be as simple as living each day with integrity in all that we do. That's the true access to feeling good for Me and You!

Thank you Princess for all the powerful emails you shared, but most of all thank you for the lesson in life! By all means, Bask In It! I commend you on a job well done, and a life well lived!

May you always walk in Grace!

P. S. I feel a "new" t-shirt coming on "Be What You Can Bask In!"

My night last night!

What an interesting night it was! It began with a pre-dinner coffee at Starbucks with my Coco, that warm, comforting presence that has and does see me through so much. Last night, we were "both" doing something that I haven't seen either one of us do much of in a long time! We were flirting, with everyone! Those around us, each other, our surroundings, even our food! After Starbucks it was on to dinner at a restaurant suggested by Coco. A new favorite place, www.cafemontrose.com the food was excellent, the atmosphere perfect, and two men sitting at the, very close next table, who we had enjoyable dinner conversation with the entire time we were there. When we said our goodbyes, one of them told my Coco that he was going to "dream" about her for days to come. And, she is dream worth, indeed!

Upon arriving at home, I had a phone conversation with My Princess. Last night she gave her presentation on "Sex, Drugs, Rock'n'Roll" in the 60's. Thanks to all of you out there that provided her with some very interesting comments. All of you did a great job. When asked "How did your presentation go?" She responded "I got a few laughs, so I think it went well. My professor didn't put his head down even once and never looked at his watch, like he did during most of the others." (The Princess knows how to hold an audience.) It's an amazing feeling when your daughter is exploring your history for a Master's Class. What I so often see in my communication with my daughter, is those parts of me that, while a teenager or young adult, were buried deeply under a large pile of hurt. I'm so very grateful that she flys so free. She is a dream come true for me! If even one small bit of that hurt was necessary for her to be who she is for me, all the hurt was worth it!

Then, a phone conversation with Moo Moo. Those conversations are almost always long, interesting and comforting. In that conversation, Moo Moo told me about a dream she had had the night before. In her dream, she flew to Houston to go to a "show" with me. When we arrived, all my friends and my daughter she hears me talk about so often were there and the feeling she had in her dream was that she was surrounded by kind, happy, welcoming people, my friends and my daughter! What an amazing compliment that what my friend feels from hearing me talk about my friends and my daughter, is that she would be surrounded by kind, happy, welcoming people! What she also felt in that dream though, was a need to protect me from the person we were there to see, and she has protected me in so many ways, so many times, if only from the thoughts in my own head!

Then, the events of putting myself and my home to bed for the night. Check the emails one last time, check the doors to make sure they are locked tight, turn out the lights!

Boom! Explosion! An email that caused a wealth of emotions. Emotions full of a dream, reasons, seasons and my lifetime.

Moo, Moo, several years ago reminded me of one of those "email" things that make their way around the world. She used the title of that "email" thing in the "Re" line of a email she sent me, the email turned out to be her informing me of the painful end of a very long season in her life. The "email" thing that she referenced was about people being in your life for a "Reason, a Season or a Lifetime."

The theme of my last night, turned out to be: Dreams, Seasons, a Reason and a Lifetime. The lesson, never stop dreaming, know that the seasons change, always look for the reason, and relax and enjoy your life "time". Thanks Guys for being my reason to dream and for giving me so many reasons to enjoy my Life Time during the changing seasons!

We are the Champions, we are the Champions, no time for losers, We are the Champions of the World!

Oh What a Beautiful Morning, Oh What a Beautiful Day! Ok, ok, I'll stop singing!

You should have seen this coming, and I'm sure you probably did!

Get out there and Vote!!!!! www.abc.com but, if you aren't going to Vote for this couple, then stay away! They deserve to win, so do the right thing, Vote for them or, don't Vote at all! I don't care how cute Mario is, he took dancing lessons for many years, as a child and, therefore, has the technical part somewhere in his memory bank. Emmet on the other hand started this competition with No dance background, was a professional football player, a rough and tumble sport that in no way prepares you for ballroom dancing! Emmet has made it to the final round competiting with someone younger that's had training! Of Course, the person I'm really supporting here is Cheryl Burk! I think she is, without a doubt, the best professional on the show! One of the judges even referred to her as the "MVP" Most Valuable Partner of "Dancing with the Stars" on last night's show! I love to watch this girl dance! Her dancing makes me want to dance and that is obviously exactly what her dancing did for Emmet, too! So, make me happy, cast your votes for Cheryl and Emmet!

I feel lucky, oh so lucky!

PERUNA RULES!



Actually, I believe more in "cause and effect" then I do luck. So, I'm being the "cause" here and hoping for the "effect". If any of you have a contact number for Santa, I would sincerely appreciate it if you would give him a jingle and let him know I want one of these shirts for Christmas! It doesn't get any better then this! Peruna on your chest! The Einstein's at SMU even KNOW that you should Never wear a horseshoe the other way around! All your Luck will fall out!

P.S. I know all of you always thought I loved SMU because Laran went there for undergrad, got married in the beautiful chapel there, and is back in the SMU Bubble working on her Masters. I am very proud of her, but for me it was always all about Peruna, I love that Mustang! Ask Laran, she'll tell you it's true, she knows all about my passion for Peruna!

Now, this really is humorous!

In an effort to offset the effects of eating my "Old English" in a jar, and in an effort to acquire more thinness in my life. While preparing myself breakfast this morning, I placed a slice of "Pepperidge Farm 'Very Thin Soft 100% Whole Wheat' Bread" in my toaster. I was across the room when I heard the toaster "pop" went to fetch my toast and it was no where to be seen! I looked and I looked. I started to believe I might not have even up the bread in the toaster. Fearing a moment of meno-pause ya know. But, oh no, the bread I did place, but being so very thin, the toaster had thrown it half-way across my place! This bread is tasty indeed, but I feel that Pepperidge Farm is missing a great advertising opporunity, it can fly across the room too, they just need to figue out how to get it to land in the right place!

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness. Ellie Katz

There is Nothing Better then the sound of the laughter of a friend. You know you have a real friend when they laugh at your sorrow with no fear and, you join it! In honor of all the outright laughter I heard this weekend, and the giggles too, this post is my way of saying Thank You to You!

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him. Romain Gary

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. Gloria Vanderbilt

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at. Walt Kelly

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. Christopher Morley

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. Bob Edwards

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. Mahatma Gandhi

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. Mark Twain

Laughter is by definition healthy. Doris Lessing

When you laugh, be sure to laugh at what people do and not at what people are. Anonymous

A man isn't poor if he can still laugh. Raymond Hitchcock

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. Bernard Meltzer

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. Plutarch

I saved my favorite for last. I have a heart full of laughter, sometimes I just forget the song. Thank you for singing it back to me!

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. -Unknown

It's a Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

So, I painted my fingernails Red!

My "Mermaid" Moments!

As a teenager, on Sunday Nights, my mother with fix "snack plates" and that would be our dinner. Just like Cher in Mermaid. We would spend Sunday Nights, snacking and watching television. It was pretty much the only "quality" time we ever spent together back then. Since that time, I'm very happiest when I'm indulging myself in my own creation of a "snack plate." I'm having one for lunch today. My snack plates "always" include one very special item and I don't feel it's an adequate snack plate unless I have it. Since I've taken to "hawking" products, I wanted to share it with all of You. Being someone that has a lot of "food snobs" in my life, I'm experiencing a moment of merriment at the thought of the comments this product might bring! So, please, don't disappoint, food snobs whack away, I will continue to indulge my snack plate desires and this product will continue to be a cherished part of that, no matter what
You say!

Here it is!




And, to go with my Old English Cheese Spread, Smoked Turkey Sausage and these wonderful crackers I've found. Sesame Rice Cracker, low cal, no trans, no anything, and delicious.

For My Afternoon Snack, I'm going to have "Fruity Cheerios" and listen to Donovan! I hope you are having a Mermaid day!!

I'm not "sure" if this post is a continuing response to santas moon, or a result of events of the last 24 hours. . .or both! Whatever, Read on!

"Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive enough to express who we really are and what we are really feeling, thinking, and committed to." -- Don Miguel Ruiz

Over the last 24 hours, with the questions from www.santasmoon.blogspot.com and my responses still fresh in my brain, some things have happened that I wanted to share.

Where to begin? Ok, I'll start here! Rufus has quite often said to me over the years "What makes you think you can do that?" My response has always been "It never enters my mind that I can't do . . .!" One of the things the dark days brought, was a feeling of not being able to do ANYTHING, not even get out of bed in the morning! That feeling has to be awful for anyone, but it's especially difficult for someone that has never encountered anything that she didn't think she could do! That would be Me!

Now, when something shows up that I think I might not be able to do,I set out on a mission to do it! But, sometimes that gives those around you a wrong impression. I realized yesterday, while having a conversation with My CoCo of course, that one of the things that has come from her taking a stand for me during my darkness is a level of intimacy that can only be had when there is absolutely no fear in the relationship. I was sharing with her something that I wasn't sure I could do, and, I did it. When I shared it with her, instead of looking at "what" it was, she was giggling about my attitude about doing it. When I said "Why are you laughing?" Her response "Because it feels good to hear you talking like this again! I love it when your creative side shows up!" Her only focus was on my vigor about being able to do it. Quite frankly, she doesn't give a damn what it is I'm doing, as long as what I'm doing brings out a part of me that she sees as me truly "being" me! On the other hand, when I head down a bad road, she has No Problem going Wait Just One Minute! Does she retreat? Does she abandon? Absolutely Not, she stands there like a fierce warrior, actually more like one of those "Hershey Hugs"! I know, I know, you ALL want her for Your best friend, but she's mine and I'm keeping her!!!!!!

Then, another little tap on the shoulder, from a Very Unexpected Source! "What and Why?" You said you were . . ." A combative relationship in the past, an authenticity running in the relationship now. Sometimes, our actions make it appear that our "feelings" are different from what we have said they are!

I said all that to say this, here it comes . . . "Actions Speak Louder Than Words!" It's not possible to have the level of intimacy with everyone that I am oh so fortunate to have with My CoCo. Not everyone can look past "what" I'm doing and see the "why" I'm doing it. Not everyone is that tuned into me being me! The way to head down that road, is by being willing to take a stand, stand, stand! And one of the ways to take a stand is to ask the questions, "What and Why?" You said you were . . ." Thank You S for caring enough to ask the questions!!!!

And so, who am I, I'm someone who is who she says she is, I care about what I say I care about. If you see me doing something that You think is inconsistent with me being who I say I am, ask the questions!!!! The goal, to be fully alive!

Into the Sunlight! Rufus, did your stomach just lurch?

P.S. In case there is any question in anyone one's mind about who the most important person in my life is. Visit www.santasmoon.blogspot.com there she is my Precious Princess being the one I Love Most!

Answers to questions asked at www.santasmoon.blogspot.com

Well, very interesting post on www.santasmoon.blogspot.com to say the least. I'll attempt to answer some of the questions. Who I was, in the fifties through the early 60's. Living in small town Irving, Texas, free as a bird, best friends with your Aunt Gail from the beginning, why, for a number of reasons, some of which I didn't even realize until I started writing this comment. She, like all my best friends to come, is stable as a rock, has a very strong mother and is blonde, blonde, blonde! Gail was the one that made my, "hair like yours" blonder and blonder, with that Summer Blonde stuff. It was a typical "small town Texas" life. Church on Sunday, focus on school (I won the Blue Ribbon at Field Day one year for poetry reciting), football on Friday nights. A father that loved me, a Grandmother that took very good care of me and two older brothers, one that indulged me, one that drove me nuts! One of my most vivid memories of that period of time, was the day JFK was shot! I wasn't old enough really to understand, on more than what was affecting my immediate surroundings, and what that looked like was seeing my Grandmother rattled for the first and only time in my life! I always loved History, English (especially poetry) and Music, Music, Music. Never much tv happening in our house, there was always music playing. After becoming an adult, while thinking about my Grandmother one day, I burst out laughing at a memory of her. On Saturday afternoon at 6:00 the entire house and the rest of the world, I think, stopped while she watched Lawrence Welk, later that night, after all the kids had gone to bed, she would watch wrestling! What a combination, Welk and wrestling! I think she was probably more interesting then I ever thought she was, I wish I had known her better! Zelma!

In the mid-60's I moved to Houston to live with my mother, what a different life! A wealthy neighborhood in Houston, snobbiest kids around, I had one friend, Mary Durham, then she went away. For the next year or two, I pretty much lived my life alone, afraid to make friends (they might leave, like Mary did) and my mother was busy being a typical single mother! Then, out of no where, suddenly she appeared! Carol! There she was, older than me, wiser than me, more interesting than me, I thought she was the best of the best and she was and still is! She was my best friend then and for years to come I couldn't function without her. She is still one of my best friends to this very day! Wild, oh my gosh Wild! Drinking, Drugging, hanging out in all the wrong places. Committed, Yea, to getting into my tight hip-hugger jeans! I spent more time in her home then I did mine, she had a very stable home, mother, father, grandmothers, Polish/Russian screamers! Said whatever they wanted whenever they got ready. (Carol grew up in the Bronx) Very different from my gentile southern up-bringing. And I loved it! We both dreamed of having our own little girl, the deal was who ever had the first little girl got to name her Jennifer, we both loved that name. Carol even has a painting I gave her a long time ago of our future Jennifer! Of course, we both had a little girl, but neither one of us named her Jennifer. Then, my mother re-married and moved me across town, into a home with a younger step-sister and much younger step-brother. I hated it! I had nothing in common with any of them, I didn't like that side of town, it was too far from Carol, I had been raised like an only child and suddenly I had to share my room and my stuff with this bratty younger sister! Yuck! But, as it has most of my life, music connected us and she became and still is one of the great loves of my life. Talk about wild! Boy, the stories the two of us could tell. Shortly after Baba re-married, I left for New York, Carol in typical Carol fashion was very upset about me leaving, so what did she do, she headed the other way, off to California! We were both gone for over a year. My time in New York was the best time of my life, I was with my wonderful Daddy, met my friend Cindy, someone else who is still in my life, and roamed the streets of New York during the end of the 60's. What a great time it was to be there.

Fast-forward to the day I married your father. July 2, 1977, I was 25 years old and thought I knew it all! I didn't know a single thing. Larry and I had had a fiery, passionate relationship for 3 years and I don't think anyone thought we would ever get married, but there we were doing it. I use to tell people that I wanted to have 6 children, but I only dreamed of having a little girl. My dream came true. Career - nah! Just wanted to make enough money to buy books, music and have fun! On April 16, 1979, my world changed forever, all I wanted then was books, music, and a stable home for You!

Do I think we would have been friends, no probably not. I think we would have liked each other and there's a little bit of a possibility that I would have been Your Lisa and You would have been my Mary, but I think that period of time would have come and gone pretty quickly. Even though I'm a thinker, like you, I'm not a planner, I'm more a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. As you got older and matured, I think I would have driven You crazy! I never had the interest or commitment to school or school activities like you did, I grew up very quickly because of my family situation and the events that went on there. That's why Aunt Carol was such an incredible gift, she was my rock for a number of years.

So, there you have it, if you want "specifics" we'll talk in private!

Rufus sent me this quote this morning and Boy do I agree with this! Just wish it was easier to do!

If our happiness does not depend on other people's actions, reactions, words or commentary, then we are not at anyone's mercy.


Reprinted from PowerDialogues.
Copyright ) by Barry Neil Kaufman.

Happiness Runs, Happiness Runs!

Ok, folks, here's the deal! BUY THESE CHEERIOS! Even if you don't eat Cheerios, don't eat cereal, buy them anyway, give them to someone who does eat Cheerios. This company is running an ad on television for this new product. And, the song is a song by Donovan, an album I played over and over again during the Happiest time of my life. The song is "Happiness Runs." And, Happiness does run! Give a smile, give a box of Fruity Cheerios! Let's get that "Happiness Running" all around the world!

This has been an unpaid announcement for Happiness Running Fruity Cheerios! Get Yours Today, buy some for yourself, by some for others, just buy those Cheerios!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Welcome "The Butterfly Cow" from the New York City Collection! What a Beauty!

Make it Jamaica, Jamaica Again

One of my goals for 2007 is going to be to make it Jamaica, Jamaica Again! Once upon a time on the plane returning home, we were delayed leaving because the Captain said "the engines needed to be rotated." I, at the time, a white-knuckled flyer, looked out the window and saw dreadlocked Jamaican's who I was sure were high on gunga weed doing whatever was suppose to be done to the engines. I became immediately convinced that I was never going to see my Precious Princess Daughter again, nor American soil. To pass the time and to ease the nerves, my traveling companions and I started playing a game. Favorite . . . whatever, everyone had to answer and tell why. It was one of the best trips home I ever had, learning about my friends, things I could never have imagined. Everything from their favorite days, nights, restaurants. It was a blast! So in honor of my commmitment to return to Jamaica in 2007, Let's play! The first question is: What was your favorite day ever? Mine was, of course, the day my Precious Princess Graced My Life with her first appearance. What a moment that was, and the joy she has brought me ever since is indescrible, just like an Almond Joy!

Hurrah! I found another one!

Interesting how the brain works!

I have often said that things that cause me very real, overwhelming sorrow, I don't talk about that much, it's true. Being someone that's all about saying good things (which has gotten me into trouble more than once) and wanting to always have fun (we won't even talk about the trouble that's caused me), I always want to talk about positive, entertaining stuff. Even things that are "morbidly fascinating."
This morning, with Thanksgiving drawing near, my Dad is sitting very near. From the time I was 18 until they both were gone, I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner for him and my Grandmother. I miss them both more then words can tell.

And, so to give you a little insight into me, what you hear coming out of my mouth, is more about entertaining then what causes sorrow for me. This Thanksgiving season, I'll be giving thanks for those I've loved and lost, and most of the time, talking about them is simply too much.

1. My incredible father in the picture above, its one of the very few pictures I have of the two of us. One of my biggests regrets, is that I don't have more.
2. My Grandmother, Zelma.
3. Judy, Judy, Judy
4. Uncle Jack's Barbara, one of my dearest friends ever.
5. John Brown
6. Steve Oaks and Bill Honey
7. Pup, pup, Chia and Gracie

This Thanksgiving season I'll be with my Princess and her Prince and, even though I've loved and lost, I still have so very much to be Thankful for, so here's a hug for each of you, I'll be giving thanks for you too!

Speaking of "morbidly fascinating" here's an interesting piece of work!


He, He, Ho, Ho,
Great Bar-B-Q!!!!!






"He is a sane man who can have both tragedy in his heart and comedy in his head."
-- Tremendous Trifles, 1909

Mia Speaks

"It has been well said that no man ever sank under the burden of the day. It is when yesterday's pains and tomorrow's burdens are added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear. Never load yourselves down so, my friends. If you find yourselves so loaded, at least remember this: it is your own doing, not God's. He begs you to leave the past and the future to Him and only to mind the present."

-- George MacDonald

My Goal for today and everyday!

Is to be more into the present moment. To honor the gift of my life, and to honor the people around me by being more fully present. When you are fully present in the present moment, you give and receive aliveness in equal measure. For today and everyday, I'm going to be fully present in my daily activities. I know a new reality will open for you when you are fully present in the moment.

Those Interesing Faces, Again!

Not just faces a Mother could love, but faces that Anyone could Love!!!!

What makes my world go round!

It's a another beautiful morning in my town. My morning started early with a phone call, while it was still very dark outside. My sister, Ruthie, calling, unable to sleep wanting to talk, while we were still on the phone, my other line rang, another sister, C-Lita, wanting some advise. I have to admit that some days, my siblings and parents fall into the category of "I'd like to pinch their heads off." I'm sure I fall into that category with them on some days also. But, the reality is, I'm so fortunate to have each and everyone of them in my life. They are each unique and special people with their own ideas, behaviors and style. And, when I tell the truth, I love them all madly!

Recently, Ruthie asked me to list my 10 favorite things and it couldn't be people. That was a difficult thing for me to do because most of my favorite things are people. Today, I'm making the rules about my favorite things and, here are some of them.

1. The Princess and her Prince
2. My family (Ruthie, C-Lita, Penalope, Baba, GeGe, Bite Me Boy, Oh Yea and Wonderful Uncle Eddie)
3. CoCo and Thumper and Moo Moo
4. Books
5. Music
6. Candles
7. Bubble Baths
8. Cartier
9. A well dressed bed
10. Jamaica
11. Good Coffee
12. Black Dresses
13. Silk, silk, silk
14. Children's Books - Here is just a small sample of why:

The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper: "Puff, puff, chug, chug, went the Little Blue Engine. 'I think I can—I think I can—I think I can—I think I can . . .'"

I Like Myself by Karen Beaumont: "I like myself! I'm glad I'm me. There's no one else I'd rather be."

Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss: "You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act."

15. Boxes, Boxes, Boxes (So I can put my troubles inside and "Sit on the Lid and Laugh")
16. Crystal
17. Pizza
18. Purple Bowls
19. All the Charlies that are in my life or have been in my life in the past (You will have to read the book to understand what that means or, know me Really well to get it.)
20. And last, and most, my favorite "Charlie" of all, My Perfect Precious Incredible Daddy!

There you have it, 20 of my very favorite things. What are Your favorite things? Hope you have a marvelous day!

Some would say that my passionate termperament and questioning mind has almost driven them crazy.

I agree with Kay Redfield Jamison, author of "An Unquiet Mind," that “intense experience and suffering instruct us in ways that less intense emotions can never do . . . and that those who have particularly passionate temperaments and questioning minds leave the world a different place for their having been there.”

Myself by Edgar Albert Guest

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
The kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.

I wish I had learned this lesson long ago, and I wish I was better about it now! Knowing doesn't always make it easier to practice it!

We have all heard the instructions of an airline attendant reminding us to put on our own oxygen mask before we help anyone else with theirs. This advice is often cited as a metaphor for self-care because it so accurately expresses why it is important. It seems to say, ironically, that if you can't take care of yourself for yourself, do it for others. Few situations in our daily lives mimic the wake-up call of an airplane emergency, so it's easy to keep putting self-care off-easy, that is, until we get sick, overwhelmed, or exhausted, and suddenly don't have the energy to care for the people who count on us. That's when we realize we haven't been getting the oxygen we need to sustain ourselves. We begin to understand that taking care of ourselves is neither selfish nor indulgent; it's just plain practical.

Putting yourself first means that it may be necessary to say no to someone else in order to say yes to yourself. For many of us, there is always something we feel we could be doing for someone else, and it helps to remember the oxygen metaphor. You can even encourage yourself by saying "I am caring for myself so that I am better able to care for others" or some other mantra that will encourage you. It also helps to remember that self-care doesn't have to be composed of massively time-consuming acts. In fact, the best prescription for taking care of yourself is probably small, daily rituals; for example, taking one half-hour for yourself at the beginning and end of the day to meditate, journal, or just be. You might also transform the occasional daily shower or bath into a half-hour self-pampering session.

Whatever you decide, making some small gesture where you put yourself first every day will pay off in spades for you and the ones you love. The oxygen you need is all around you; sometimes you just need to be reminded to breathe.

And, so it goes!

Today is my x-husband's 60th birthday! Ouch! Sure am glad I'm not as old as he is. I hope he has a wondeful day though, I never thought either of us would ever get to be as old as we are!

Thank you!

For your responses to yesterdays post. All of the responses were enlightening and some of the ones that I received "under cover" should be out there for public reading. I'm very happy to know I'm not alone in this fear thing, it makes it not as overwhelming. But, it also really sucks to discover that, in somethings, we are not so unique (you know me, I love that unique thing). But, it is also truly wonderful to know we are all in this together, together is good! Have a Great Day!

Fear and Confusion

After reading the following, I would love to hear your comments!!!! Don't be shy, give me your thoughts, do you agree, disagree, whatever?

Anything worth doing always has some fear attached to it. For example, having a baby, getting married, changing careers-all of these life changes can bring up deep fears. Can that fear be a good thing? It is your way of questioning whether you really want the new life these changes will bring. It is also a potent reminder that releasing and grieving the past is a necessary part of moving into the new.

Fear has a way of throwing us off balance, making us feel uncertain and insecure, but it is not meant to discourage us. Its purpose is to notify us that we are at the edge of our comfort zone, poised in between the old life and a new one. Whenever we face our fear, we overcome an inner obstacle and move into new and life-enhancing territory, both inside and out. The more we learn to respect and even welcome fear, the more we will be able to hear its wisdom, wisdom that will let us know that the time has come to move forward, or not. While comfort with fear is a contradiction in terms, we can learn to honor our fear, recognizing its arrival, listening to its intelligence, and respecting it as a harbinger of transformation. Indeed, it informs us that the change we are contemplating is significant, enabling us to approach it with the proper reverence.

You might wish to converse with your fear, plumbing its depths for a greater understanding of the change you are making. You could do this by sitting quietly in meditation and listening or by journaling. Writing down whatever comes up-your worries, your sadness, your excitement, your hopes-is a great way to learn about yourself through the vehicle of fear and to remember that fear almost always comes alongside anything worth doing in your life.

Ahhh! That thing called "fear" it can be motivating or paralyzing. A relationship with fear is new to me. Some would say I've always been fearless, for the last few years, I've been fearful. What does that mean and has does fear land for You, does it motivate or paralyze?

My Quest for Spirituality

Spirituality, a mystical, what does it mean kind of word. So much more than a word, an emotion, a quest and the most precious thing a human being can experience. I'd like to tell you a little about the roads I traveled to find mine.

I've always been a person of traditional values; God, Country, Apple Pie and Dad. I was raised in a home that required attendance at the First Christian Church every single Sunday. The existence of God was never a question for me, I always believed He was there. My quest was for my spirituality, some kind of relief in the darkest time of my life. I was unable to function, I was only existing in my self-imposed world of solitude and depression. God stepped in and he led me to more source material then I ever knew existed. He was desperate to help me.

Book stores are a special place to me, I've always loved books. When I was able to actually dress myself and get out of my house, I'd head to the book store and stay for hours. Books began to fall off of the shelves and into my hands. First, the philosophy of the the Toltec Indians. Very old philosophy that's been passed down from generation to generation by word of mouth and now has thankfully been committed to writing. What is the philosophy? Basically, Four Agreements, if you live by the Four Agreements, you will find your true spirituality. The Four Agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word;
Never make assumptions;
Don't take anything personally; and
Always do and be your best.

Back in the book store, another unexpected book, "When It All Falls Apart". A book based on what some see as a religion, but what I see as a philosophy, Buddhism. The Buddhist teachings propose no deity, The Buddha is not a "god" only a messenger with wisdom about living life. The wisdom imparted in Buddhists teaching is not about religious faith, it's about getting in touch with the "Buddha" of your own soul. "Spiritual" in Buddhism means living with basic human good qualities: human affection, a sense of involvement, honesty, discipline and human intelligence properly guided by good motivation.

A gift from a friend, continued my quest, "The Holy Bible." A book so vast, so complicated, yet so simple. A book that encompasses all of the philosophy of the Toltec Indians and the Buddhist. A book with all the wisdom and lessons any human being could ever need to live a life they love. The most powerful book to read in a quest to spirituality.

In conclusion, my absolute truth, there is only one God. My God is so powerful, wise and wonderful that since the beginning of time, he has shared his wisdom with all the men of the world. Call it what you will, Buddhism, lessons of the Indians. My God is responsible for all the wisdom of the world. While all the knowledge I gained on my quest is of great value, knowing my God is my real access to spirituality.

Wearing the Past.

You should not suffer the past. You should be able to wear it like a loose garment, take it off and let it drop.

-Eva Jessye

Live Life!

"For the longest time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt still to be paid. And maybe then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." -- Alfred D'Souza

I do, therefore, I am

After a couple of unsettling weeks that were all about "doing" not simply "being" I have managed to get back to what I want most in life. I want to "be" who I really am without having to "do" anything to prove it. Being is the only thing that matters.

Nowadays, people don't ask you how you are, they say, 'Are you busy?' meaning, 'Are you well?' If someone actually does ask you how you are, the most cheerful answer, of course, is a robust 'Busy!' to which the person will reply 'Good! "Busy' used to be a negative sort of word. It meant having no time for yourself, no leisure. 'No, I can't come out this weekend, I'm too busy.' Sorry about that, you poor stiff. Now, though, busyness is bullish. Conspicuous industriousness is the rule.
"Conspicuous industriousness" is fancy talk for chasing your own tail. This is the habit of rushing around frantically and feeling quite noble even when you go nowhere fast. Equipped with cell phones, beepers, and handheld computers, the "conspicuously industrious" blur the line between home and office by working anytime, anywhere. Always on call, they make a perverse case for the argument that work isn't a part of life, but rather that life is a part of work. They embody the new twenty-first century ideal--"I do, therefore I am."

And whether they know it or not, they are competitors in the rat race. Constantly busy, moving at breakneck speed, they wake, work, earn, spend, shovel down food, and collapse--only to begin the same vicious cycle over again the next day. Never knowing which end is up, they live according to the "Rules of the Rat Race," an unwritten code of conduct that says you should:

1. Bite off more than you can chew.
2. Act as if enough is never enough.
3. Chase your tail and run to stand still.
4. View life as a part of work, instead of work as a part of life.

These days, people think "doing" makes them who they are. They discover that when the "doing" situation changes they are at a loss, they have no real knowledge of who they are or what "being" really means. Doing to be liked, doing to be needed, doing to get attention, doing to feel important. But, never knowing that their being is crying to be heard.

Being is about needing because you love or like. Doing is about seeking love or like or what you need to survive the Rat Race. I welcome the return of my being with all my heart.

"Spit in one hand and "want" in the other and see which one fills up fastest!" Zelma

We know we are "off track" by the degree of our "wanting" - whatever that desire is for - whether it be acclaim, love, money, pain relief, power, security, sex, stuff, etc. If you are alive and breathing and reasonably healthy, all has been given already. The work of life is to fully receive the gifts with appreciation and praise, and then to let them flow out of you with total gusto. - Spivey

Words for Today!

Renew Your Glitter!

That "someplace else" can be exciting or dangerous!

If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.

-Yogi Berra

Love Them Anyway!

I'm sure that everyone who reads my blog has read this somewhere, sometime, more than once. It never hurts to be reminded though, I can certainly use this reminder.


People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered,
LOVE THEM ANYWAY

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives,
DO GOOD ANYWAY

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies,
SUCCEED ANYWAY

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow,
DO GOOD ANYWAY

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable,
BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY

What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight
BUILD ANYWAY

People really need help but may attack you when you help them
HELP PEOPLE ANYWAY

Give the world the best you have and you'll get disparaged and ridiculed
GIVE THE WORLD THE BEST YOU'VE GOT ANYWAY.

Adapted from the book "A Simple Path" by Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Lamentations, Longings and Grief

He who seeks happiness should withdraw the arrow; his own lamentations, longings and grief. With the arrow withdrawn, unattached, he would attain to peace of mind; and when all sorrow has been transcended he is sorrow-free and has realized Nirvana.

Ain't it the Truth.

In the popular phrase, "Some days you eat the bear, and some days the bear eats you.", beware the bear that is "inside" you. We are under constant attack by an enemy that hides within us, intertwined with our egos, laying in wait for our next moment of carelessness, callousness, cockyness, sloppiness, sureness, unconsciousness, and then WHAM!, we wonder why we are left smoldering in the rubble of our shattered integrity. --Spivey

Being Me!

"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." --Elbert Hubbard (borrowed from "Love Them Anyway"

For most of my life, I didn't feel the need to "explain, validate or justify" my beliefs or actions. I just "did" what was right and good for me. I've somehow found my way back to that place, only, it seems, I'm becoming more that way then ever before. But, the fear that runs now, that didn't exist before, is the fear of hurting others because of that refusal to "explain, validate or justify". But, when I try to explain, validate and justify my actions or the process of getting to where I want to go, it doesn't feel real to me. As the quote says your "friends" don't need it and your "enemies won't believe you anyway."

So, I want to take this opportunity to say, I'm not going to edit, rehearse, perform or hide anything, I'm not going to explain, validate or justify my actions or being who I am. Just know, along this road, it's not about You, it's me being who I truly am, going where I need to go.

"The visionary is the one who brings his or her voice into the world 'as is' and who refuses to edit, rehearse, perform, or hide it. It is the visionary who knows that the power of creativity is aligned with bold authenticity."
--Angeles Arrien

Heading West, with the Best!

If today was an extraordinary day, like usual when I'm off on an adventure with my Coco, it might sound something like this:

Here we go, headed West to San Antonio a town full of hot latinos, great music and amazing food! Me and Coco alone in her cacoon of a car, just the two of us never at a loss for something to say, but also with lot's of those wonderful moments of peaceful quiet, just the two of us sharing the same air.

But, as we venture out west today, the mission is one that a contains a bit of sorrow for what we might find, so wish us well on this journey and please, take the time to say a short prayer.

He, He, Ho, Ho, Ha, Ha

Taking the crazy little quizzes on line can be fun. Someone sent me one this morning, a friend who "thinks" I should now, with my sane brain, consider having a romantic adventure. During my madness, I thought the world had been populated by "Ken" and "Barbie" dolls, (I wasn't attracted to anyone at the time, not even myself) no one was anatomically correct, including me, so romantic interludes were not a great success, not because of lack of interest by others, because of a complete lack of interest by me! So, maybe, who knows, maybe my friend that sent the quiz is hoping he'll be my action hero! Here's the result of my answers! He, he, ho, ho, ha, ha!

Mia, your relationship destiny is to Have a Romantic Rendezvous

Wild thing, you make our hearts sing. Daring and headstrong, you know that the world is full of all kinds of adventures and possibilities, and you want to try as many of them as possible. Whether you've already met the action hero who's bold enough to join you on your travels, or are still looking for a soul brave enough, you're sure to enjoy the search.

A risk taker by nature, you're not afraid to put yourself on the line, whether you're scaling mountains or falling in love on the first date. Sure, that means you'll get a few bumps and bruises along the way, but for a courageous spirit like you, that's part of the fun. How romantic!

Of course, this is what inspired the next post, "Doors."

Doors!

September 15, 2006
Walking Through
When Doors Open

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what's there as that's the only way to know. Even if it doesn't seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go.

Doors open when the time is right for us to enter a new space, metaphorically speaking, and we can have faith that walking through is the right thing to do. Sometimes we linger in the threshold because we are afraid of leaving our old life for a life we know nothing about. We may have voices inside of our heads that try to hold us back or people in our lives saying discouraging things. These voices, internal and external, are known as threshold spirits, and they express all the fears and doubts that arise at the beginning of a new life. Nevertheless, none of these voices can hold us back, and they will fall silent as soon as we cross the threshold.

There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

Progress

"Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. It is a long, lonely road."

-- Aristotle