Quoting

There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that is not learning from experience. — Archibald MacLeish

Question of the Day!

To see with one's own eyes, to feel and choose without succumbing to the suggestive power of the fashion of the day, to be able to express what one has seen and felt in a trim sentence or even in a cunningly wrought word-is that not glorious? Is it not a proper subject for congratulations?
-- Albert Einstein

Have a conversation today with a bird, Bugs or a butterfly!

"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things,man will not himself find peace." ~ Dr. Albert Schweitzer

Ha, ha, he, he, ho ho! Ain't it the truth!!

“You can never get enough of what you do not really want.” -- Eric Hoffer

At all times and under all circumstances, we have the power to transform the quality of our lives. -- Werner Erhard

The above statement was made by a man, Werner Erhard, who is responsible for the technology that was the genesis of my recovery and my transformation. It's a statement that I know to be true, I lived it. When, in the very worst of my darkness, Coco dragged me, screaming and kicking to Landmark Forum, I did, in fact, experience a transformation as a result of attending the Landmark Forum. Unfortunately, being a very sick person at the time, that transformation resulted in my getting sicker still. But, ultimately, that getting sicker resulted in an intervention that, I believe, saved my life. So, today, I choose to celebrate Werner Erhard for giving the gift of transformation to the world, my Coco, who is always willing to try-on something new and Debbie, a fearless warrior who looked past my words and chose action. Thank You!

P. S. If you would like to learn more about Werner Erhard visit www.wernererhard.com maybe you will have a transformation, just from reading more of his words.

Quote for the Day

"We either make ourselves miserable and weak, or we make ourselves healthy and strong. The amount of work is exactly the same. It simply depends on what we choose to see and cultivate." -- Carlos Castaneda

There is no place like home . . .

Last night, I arrived home after spending 5 days on a road trip with my sister, Carlita. It's the only time I can remember the two of us being alone for that length of time. I had a great time, I enjoyed her company, and all things worked in our favor.

The weather was perfect. I learned a lot at the convention we attended. We visited a town I had visited a couple of times before, but only for brief intervals to hear voices sing.

I discovered on this trip that I Love Fort Worth, Texas. And, boy is it Texas! We had dinner with the Princess and her friend, Nicole at a restaurant that's excellent! If you are ever in Fort Worth, be sure and indulge your taste buds at http://www.lonesomedovebistro.com/. Not only is the food delicious, it's a fun place to spend some time.

Even with all the good of the last 5 days, when I arrived home, I plopped down on my bed and simply laid there for almost an hour. Didn't listen to messages or return calls, didn't turn the computer on, just laid on my bed and celebrated being in my own space. For after all is said and done, there is no place like your own home, and I was happy to return to mine!

I'm not sure where this is going, but it is going . . .

First things first, no matter who you are or how you might have played a part in this blog coming into existence, it's not about You, it's about me. You are on your own journey, not my place to judge you, do what you will, feel what you feel! I'm only taking this journey to explore how "hiding" has affected my life and is still affecting my life, and how I feel about that. I'm looking for some answers about where I want to stand on the issue of hiding. Hopefully by the end of this blog, I will have found that wisdom.

hide - verb, hid, hid·den or hid, hid·ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1. to conceal from sight; prevent from being seen or discovered: Where did she hide her jewels?
2. to obstruct the view of; cover up: The sun was hidden by the clouds.
3. to conceal from knowledge or exposure; keep secret: to hide one's feelings. –verb (used without object)
4. to conceal oneself; lie concealed: He hid in the closet. –noun
5. British. a place of concealment for hunting or observing wildlife; hunting blind. —Verb phrase
6. hide out, to go into or remain in hiding: After breaking out of jail, he hid out in a deserted farmhouse.

Over the last couple of of weeks, "hiding" has been appearing in my life from all directions. My own hiding, the hiding by others, old hiding, new hiding, hiding to protect someone else's feelings, hiding being done to influence someone else, hiding to maintain control, hiding because of a fear of losing something, hiding real feelings to avoid being vulnerable. You name it, it's showing up!

Hiding that's causing fear, hiding that has caused disappointment, hiding that has caused empathy for a loved one, hiding that's still causing anger, hiding real feels which has caused relationships to crash when real feelings could have saved the relationship, only to be left with a basket of regret! Hiding that, even though done to protect, makes me feel like I'm being less than I could be.

So, is hiding ever ok? Is keeping someone else's secrets considered hiding? Is keeping secrets from someone considered hiding? What they don't know won't hurt them? Is it ok to coming out of hiding if the person that agreed to be in a "hiding" pact with you violates that pact, comes out of hiding and uses their coming out to hurt you, all the while protecting theirself from what might happen if you decided to use their hiding against them, like they used your hiding againt You. Is it then ok to come out of that pact and use their hiding against them?

Hiding played a very large part in my complete mental melt down. My own hiding and something being hidden in my brain that began to affect all my thoughts, actions and words. That very same hiding brought out a dark side of me that created reasons to hide, and exposed a part of me that had always chosen to hide. I've worked very, very hard to change that hidden part of me! On most days, in most ways I've been successful in my efforts.

While writing this blog, as so often happens, the answers I already know, showed up. I'm only responsible for Me and my choices, I'm not responsible for You and Your choices, and if you have chosen to share your secrets with me, secrets they will remain, even if you chose or have chosen to violate the trust I have placed in you.

Ahhhhh, HERE IT IS! The wisdom I was looking for when I started writing this blog. I'm going to follow an ancient wisdom that has already helped me on this journey, I just needed something to remind me of it. If hiding is affecting you and making you question, buy the book and read it too and maybe it will help You.

Bringing Ancient Toltec Indian Wisdom to Contemporary Life - The Four Agreements.

Based on ancient Toltec wisdom, the Four Agreements offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives and our work into a new experience of effectiveness, balance and self supporting behavior.
Everything we do is based on agreements we have made with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, what everyone else is, how to act, what is possible and what is impossible. What we have agreed to believe creates what we experience. When these agreements come from fear, obstacles develop keeping us from realizing our greatest potential.

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS -

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

My advise for the day - Don't ever let the mystery of who you are, rest. Stay in the inquiry and those Ahhhhh moments will be your own gift to You!

Wishing You a Four Agreement kind of day!

Whooo, that was close, and even though I'm happy about it, I'm not sure it is fair!

They made it through for atleast one more week, not sure they should have, but they did. Cheryl will dance again.

I'm in "Dancing With The Stars" Hell!

I Love "Dancing With the Stars"!!!!!! As a little girl I wanted to grow up and "be" a professional dancer. I never quite recovered from the affect Juliet Prowse had on me in G. I. Blue! I wanted to grow up, dance like her and walk like her (she had the most amazing posture). I was then and still am a huge dance fan. When I was in high school, my mother spent a lot of her time Ballroom dancing in her beautiful chiffon dresses. As a matter of fact, one of the professionals dancing on this seasons "Dancing with the Stars" is the grandson of an old friend of my mother, Mark Ballis gives Houston a local connection to this season! Nonetheless, Cheryl Burke has joined the ranks of Juliet Prowse for my affections when it comes to dancing, she is the Major reason I love the show so much! I love to watch her dance. I wait through the entire show for Cheryl to take the floor and after she dances, my attention seems to drift a bit, in my opinion no one else compares! Unfortunately, I think she has pulled the black bean this season by being partnered with Wayne Newton. I think my friend, CoCo is correct, he is resting on his laurels and not working as hard as the rest, thinking his celebrity will carry him through. I don't think that is going to happen, I believe he will be eliminated early on, maybe even tonight!!!! That is pure Hell for me, it means Cheryl will be going. I'll have a very difficult time maintaining my interest in the show after her departure, even though I agree, HE needs to go! Maybe she could just show up and dance by herself the rest of the season! Out of loyalty to Her, I did cast some votes for Her! But, for the first time in the history of "Dancing With the Stars", the majority of my votes went to someone else who I believe is giving it his all, I love to see that, so I think he deserves the votes!

Now that I've vented about the biggest trauma going on in my life at the moment, I'll wish you a lovely day and stress the day away being fearful that Cheryl may go tonight!

My First Dancing Love!


My Current Dancing love and THE STAR OF "DANCING WITH THE STARS" AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED!!!!!!!