Great Advice

"Mind Your Own Business.

What others do is really none of your concern or business, unless, of course, they invite you into it and ask for your opinion. Most importantly, however, you have your own life to live well first. You are accountable only to yourself, just as they are accountable only to themselves. It's not your responsibility or job to tell them what to do, to tell them how to do it, or to judge them or criticize them for doing something you don't approve of or not doing what you recommend. When you are minding your own business, then you:

1) Stop meddling in other people's business and start 'intervening' in your own affairs.

2) Stop telling others what they should or shouldn't do and start helping them first identify and then make their own choices.

3) Stop pushing against what others are doing and start paying attention to what you are doing and the outcome of those actions.

4) Stop thinking it's your job to make other people's decisions for them and start paying attention to the resulting experiences that come from the decisions that you are making.

5) Stop gossiping about other people and start spending more time coming to know who they really are and what their lives and dreams and struggles are really about.

6) Stop criticizing and judging what others are doing and start being more loving and accepting of others at all times.

7) Stop holding a grudge about something someone else has done or said and start being more forgiving and understanding.

8) Stop laying a guilt trip on others because of their actions and start paying attention to the impact of your own actions.

9) Stop interfering in other people's lives and start paying more attention to your own life.

When you stop minding another's business, then you will have more time to focus on your own life, which is totally necessary if you want a better life, and, interestingly enough, it's the single most influential thing you can do." -- Carol James

Let's Fly!

"Wanna fly? Then you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." -- Toni Morrison

A blog stolen from the Princess Blog, and Yes I'm still learning!

Ashley, Jen, Princess Laran and Lauren

Thursday, September 20, 2007

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."
— Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

I like this quote and the idea behind it, but I wonder if this is really true. I know for sure that after a nice, long conversation with my Mom and Grandmother (Baba) while in Houston over Labor Day that they are at different points in their learning and understanding. Mom being 55 and Baba being just shy of 86, you can probably guess that each had their own take on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. I think my Mom understands a lot, but she also admits to continuing to learn things about people, about the world and about herself. I respect the fact that my Mom doesn't pretend to know and understand it all. What I learned from Mom on this trip:

-Love and friendship are great, an integral part of marriage, but sex and attraction is equally as important.

-Every day we wake-up and we have choices. It's what we do with those choices that shapes our lives.

-One of the most important relationships is the one we have with our parents/parental figures.

-You have more resilience than you could ever imagine.

My Baba, on the other hand, is not a 'know it all,' but I get the sense that she just understands the things about her life that the rest of us are still learning a little deeper than anyone can who hasn't lived as long. She doesn't get bogged down in the little things of life, like I tend to do, she just knows a few, simple, yet crucial things about life that she understands deeply and holds strong to and that's it. From my talks with her alone, I learned:

-A woman can never have too many pairs of shoes, even at 86.

-Jewelry, hand bags and a new outfit will always bring a smile to a woman's face and a grumpiness to a man's voice.

-Being desired by a man is always nice.

-Baba originated, and still holds to the mantra, "Always keep a little for yourself..." (I just thought that my Mom coined the phrase!!)

-Giving to others is one of the most blessed things in life.

I can say the same for my Grandfather (Gege), who Baba and I talked with later after the Mom and Baba conversations. Baba and Gege don't really question certain things, like their marriage, their faith, their life situation, their past. They understand that what you worry about all your life, or live all your years learning about, comes down to a few simple beliefs, in no particular order, that I was able to glean from this conversation with my Baba and Gege:

-Enjoy life as much as you can, and know that you can't change those around you, only yourself.

-Be faithful to God, family and self.

-Friendship and love are to be cherished, no matter your age.

-You're going to screw up, people around you are going to screw up--deal with it, learn from it, try to do better/be better next time and move on.

-Don't dwell on the past, you can't change it, you can only change how you let it affect you.

-Work hard, play hard. Save for retirement, but don't ever really "retire."

-Pay your taxes.

-You have more resilience than you could ever imagine.

So, I guess Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach is right. We spend all of our younger years learning what we can only hope to understand as we grow older and wiser. I am lucky that I have grandparents and a mother who try to teach me all that they already understand in such a loving way. But, as is the way of children/grandchildren, there are plenty of things I am just going to have to learn on my own that I can, hopefully, try to teach my children and grandchildren one day.

The "perfect" description of my "perfect weekend!

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.

— Spanish proverb

"la, la, la, la Life Goes On"

Back in 2002, while trying to recover from a complete mental breakdown, I started writing a book as part of my therapy. Upon the suggestion of friends, I've decided to complete the book and publish it in the hopes of helping others struggling through life events that have nothing to do with addiction. I'll keep you posted on the release date of my book.

Also, Don't be left out, order your advance copy of this book Now at http://www.amazon.com/! I'm sure the "updates" will be an interesting read!

An inspiration in more ways then one.

It's amazing how things show up in your life that "You Think" have shown up for you to share with another, only to discovery what a difference it ends up making in your own life. This weekend's journey began a couple of years ago while driving across town with one of the Gary's in my life. Our conversation that day was centered around making changes in our lives, changes that would bring laughter, love and relief from the pain of the disasters we had both caused in our own lives over the last few years. During that ride, I was reminded of a song that I had heard on the radio by an artist that I had never really been a fan of but, I loved the song and it seemed to be the perfect anthem for our journey of mutual healing. I insisted that Gary drive us to the nearest Best Buy so we could buy the CD. I wanted him to hear that song! In keeping with the way all the "Gary's" in my life treat me, within minutes I was at Best Buy! We bought the CD, raced back to the car, put it on, reclined our seats and listened with our whole hearts! The song is "I Want to Know What Love is" by Wynonna Judd.

Friday morning, another one of the "Gary's" in my life came to pick me up with a picnic lunch in the car and we headed to Lake Charles, Louisiana to see Wynonna in the flesh, I wanted to hear that song up close and personal!

The stage lights went to black, the show is starting, you couldn't see anyone on the stage and then, that voice begins to sing, slowly a single spotlight begins to lite her. And then there she is with her flaming red hair and bigger then big voice. What happened to me emotionally during her show was amazing and also pretty big. All I could think was "how could she be standing up there singing like that with all that she's going through in her life and, if she can do this, I can do anything!" A couple of times, as she would begin a song, the tears popped up in her eyes and you could see her fight her way through it! When the music began of the song that I had come to hear, my tears popped up and, for the first time in a very long time, I let them flow! Tears for the disasters, mine and tears for the disasters of my friend, Gary. There I was surrounded by strangers, allowing my own tears to flow, it's almost impossible for me to do that in safe company. It felt wonderful, the woman sitting next to me reached over, patted me on the arm and smiled, as if to say "I know, I know"! There's something to be said for the kindness of strangers. Wynonna took me full-circle in a little over an hour, by the end of the show, like everyone else, I was on my feet dancing and applauding and feeling freer than I have in a very long time! The talent that was on that stage is huge, the voice is majestic and her presence is full of grace and humility. A class act for sure.

Over the weekend, Gary fed me well, bought my cigarettes, entertained me with gentle, loving care and bought me a surprise, a beautiful leather wallet that he felt I needed because mine had seen it's better days. Very interesting, since the one he was replacing was bought years ago by someone else that has a place in my heart.

When I arrived home, I got a call from a "Gary" wanting to know all about my trip and Wynonna's show. And then, this morning the "Gary" that started this Wynonna Journey years ago, called, "how was she, did she sing our song?" Yep she did!

Thanks Wy for being such an inspiration and for being an inspirational part of my journey! If that flaming Redhead of Your's can do that, this Blonde head of mine can do anything, no matter what shade of Blonde it happens to be at the moment!

A very Big Thanks to all My Gary's for loving me so much and showing it! You make me feel very loved! That's a wonderful gift, because the truth is "I Want To Know What Love Is." Thanks for showing me.

Thought for the Day!

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."

— Mahatma Gandhi

Three Things In Life

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity

Three things in life that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness

Three things in life that you should never lose -
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family & Friends
3. Kindness

Three things in life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams

Three things that make a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work

I'll say!

"He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.
— George Herbert

This blog has been a "work in progress" Celebrating the originals!

It is often said that "Imitation is the purest form of flattery." And that may well be, but it has also been said that "Imitation" never rises to a level of greatness! I know that's true for sure! If you can't come up with your own, better to leave it alone!

I've always taken pleasure in being a maverick, never really followed the crowd, no matter what crowd it was. Part of a "group", nope, close, intimate friends that don't cluster is more my style. On this rollercoaster of a week that my family has been on, the lows have been pretty scary, but we've also shared some laughs, more than a few tears and some outright screaming by one or two of us, (including me, of course, I'm just one of the screamers in my family)! I began this day (Wednesday) writing about what the tears and fears were being caused by, but after reading my Princess Daughter's blog (Tuesday), I was so inspired by the Original Creation that she is, I started thinking about all the Originals that showed up to share the tears, the fears and the laughter of this week, and I want to celebrate them here!

A Celebration of Originals

My father is a part of every moment of my life, he is always very near, in moments of fear, sadness and joy, I feel him in my heart and soul. An original's original. He once gave me a poem to encourage the "Original" he had always seen in Me! Here it is!

Live each day to the fullest
Get the most from each hour
Each day
and each age of your life
then you can look forward
with confidence
and back without regrets

Be Yourself - but be your best self

Dare to be different,
and to follow your own star
and don't be afraid to be happy
enjoy what is beautiful

Love with all your heart and soul
believe that those you love, love you

When you are faced with a decision
Make that decision as wisely as possible
then forget it
the moment of absolute certainty
never arrives
and above all remember that

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves
Act as if everthing depended upon you
and pray as if everthing depends upon God!

Thanks Daddy, I'll do it!

My Mother a/k/a Baba! An original for sure! A drama queen, a spinner of yarns. And, like a lot of mother/daughter relationships, a difficult relationship for me. I watched my Mother sit in a chair all day on Monday, barely moving a muscle, very unusual for my Mother, at 85, she's the livest wire that I know. Once she felt like the danger had passed, she was off and running, once again, causing drama in her wake. My Mother has always lived her life in an original place, all her own, and I can't even come close to understanding that place. While having dinner with her last night (Friday) she decided to "tell me" the story I was "telling her." I guess she had been in my hip pocket and I just didn't know it!

My sister, Carlita, struggling herself, to re-gain her health, after surviving major surgery a month ago that involved having a very large part of her stomach removed. Standing in the sunlight gazing into her eyes this morning (Wednesday), I realized that she not only has Daddy's stomach, which has caused her pain most of her life, she has alot of his good stuff too, a beautiful voice, a talent for piano playing, his intelligence and, she has Daddy's gorgeous blue eyes. Sophisticated, Classy, Intelligent and her own person for sure. A delightful blend of Mother, Daddy and her unique self!

My brother, Edward. Solid, consistent, determined, kind, generous, cute as a button, it wouldn't be possible for me to love him anymore than I already do. One of my heroes, I wouldn't have made it through the way I made it through without him. Edward on the West Coast waiting, calling for reports, ready to do whatever needed to be done at a moments notice.

My brother Gary, boy, talk about original. Tall, blond, blue-eyed, joke telling, dancing, gambling monster. One of the most tender-hearted people I know. Unfortunately, like me, but even more than me, he protects his heart when he shouldn't. We share the same taste when it comes to dressing ourselves, I wonder how many of you will get that.

My blended sister, Penny, just one of the gifts I'm grateful that my step-father brought with him all those many years ago. Exotic, legs up to her shoulders, beautiful skin, a style all her own, that's nothing like any of the rest of us. A brown-eyed girl. And, the sweetest of the bunch.

My blended sister, Pamelita. The sharer of my secrets, more like me then any of the rest and so very different from me at the same time. Tall, gorgeous, a head turner, classy, cool, intelligent. A green-eyed monster, like me. "Green-eyed lady, lovely lady!" One of the great loves of my life. She's been through it all with me and had the guts to refuse to condone a lot of it. One of the bravest people I've ever known, and she's not like anyone else I've ever known. Thank you Pamela for stepping up to the plate this week and being there for my Mother!!!

My blended brother, Paul. What to say about that original? Independent, funny, fun, sensitive, outgoing. Tall, handsome, amazing blue eyes. Chooses to live elsewhere, but always shows up when he needs to! And, he had the good sense to marry a wonderful woman, who is also an original!

My Precious Princess Daughter, the one that started this ball rolling. Tall, beautiful, blond, green-eyed, cool, classy, brilliant, perfection thru and thru! While going through a very big event in her life, I was struggling through her beloved GeGe being admitted to the hospital. She called me with her big news (see www.santasmoon.blogspot.com) another dream of her's that has come true. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about her GeGe, so I didn't. Of course, over the weekend, she discovered what I hadn't told her and Thank God, she understood why I hadn't told her. "Mom, I coming home!" "No, you aren't! GeGe wouldn't want you to see him like this! You need to wait until he's better and at home so you can actually spend some time with him." "But Mom, I feel like a loser for not being there!" "You aren't a loser, no one thinks you 're a loser, everyone in the family loves, respects and admires you! No one would want you to be here seeing GeGe like this! We are all struggling enough already, don't make it worse by showing up and making us worry about Your reaction also." "Ok, Mom." And, while trying to celebrate her own very large news, she's called her Baba everyday, she's called me everyday, more concerned about her Gege then she's been about celebrating herself. You are a very good Princess, my lovely! Congratulations on your new career move! Thank you for bringing Peruna into my life once again, I was worried about you graduating with your Masters in the Spring and me not having access to Peruna. Thanks for taking my worry away! I love that pony!

And last, but certainly not least! The original that brought so many wonderful originals into my life, a man that has made a big difference in my life and an even bigger difference in the life of my Princess Daughter! Tall, handsome, a snappy dresser! A good man, quiet, still, constant! You've pulled through your second open heart surgery and now we all have many good years to look forward to! Thank you for that! I was honored and privileged to hold your hand, bow my head and pray for your safe journey with you and so many other originals that I love so much. God has blessed us all by giving us some more years with You! I love you Geg, I can't wait until you're strong enough to argue!

In the final analysis, I guess my Mother, that I struggle with so much, really does have it all going on. She's responsible for most of these originals being in my life, what a gift she has given me by choosing so very well. Ok, Mom, I'll give you a break as my way of saying thanks. I won't hold you accountable for anything until at least Monday! I love you!

To all the Originals mentioned above, I salute You and I Love You! Thank you for being courageous enough to be an Original and for Not settling for Imitation! I celebrate the Greatness of each of You!

P.S. To CV and Thumper. Thank you for being so present in my life this week. Your calls, good wishes and prayers for me and my family meant so much coming from two very special Originals!

A Celebration of "Freedom"

And I jumped on that freedom, grabbed it around the neck, flung it around in raw, crazy emotion and then hugged it tightly to myself so as to make it a part of my being.

Freedom - we may think we have it because there are no visible chains and no obvious mental control, but freedom is something we feel in our hearts. I know because today my heart soars unbound and overjoyed!!

-Laran O'Neill

I second that Motion Rufus!

http://www.from-rufus.blogspot.com/

Ok! I'll do my best!

"Finish every day and be done with it . . . You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it . . . serenely, and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Quoting, of cours.

"It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble and fall, there lies your true treasure." -- Joseph Campbell

Oh so very true!

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. — Nelson Mandela

Happy 4th

"Fake coolness might help in your navigation among and negotiation with people throughout the world, maybe, but it is impossible to meet God with your sunglasses on. It is impossible to meet God without total abandon, without exposing yourself, without being raw and real ... you don't know what's going on behind those glasses half the time, but God, I can assure you, always does." -- Bono

Catching Up!

The Princess and her Prince were in town this past weekend. Friday was a day by the pool and dinner at her Dad's. Here they are Dad and daughter, enjoying some fun in the sun. Hey Larry, have another burger! Oh, and, have you seen that commercial about the guy "striking out" because of his gray hair? I realize life is good, but now really!
The Princess (with her new short hair, which looks adorable on her) and her let's hug sister, Shelly!

Saturday, big southern breakfast at Mom's, Saturday night, a progressive dinner, me and the Princess and her Prince, Tony Madola's to start and on to Vincent's for the main course. Sunday a delicious southern lunch at Mom's and then . . . the Princess and her Prince headed back to their castle in Big D. It was a wonderful weekend!!!!!!! Lot's of Hugs, Kisses and Smiles all around. Oh and, The Princess brought me a couple of books to read, I read the first one "Same Kind of Different as Me" very quickly, and I have to say, it was one of the best books I've ever read. It so gracefully pointed out how we and me so often get it so terribly wrong! A book I think everyone should read at least once and maybe even three or four times, good reminders never hurt! Thanks Princess, that book popped me right between the eyes, and I think I needed a pop! And, of course, as always, when it comes to You, graceful showed up!

A Note to the Princess:

You look marvelous! I love the new do, and your style is impeccable. I don't know how you do it, but you just keep getting better and better! And, I'm so happy that you don't deny yourself handpainted shoes!

Blogging Memories!

The "Princess" in her "Tea Hat"

And, the Princess with a "Spicy Bag" to call her own!

In April, shortly before my previous computer decided to retire, we celebrated the birthday of The Princess with the annual "Honouring the Princess Tea"! The tea was held at a very cute little tea room in Plano, Texas, the stomping grounds of previous generations of our family. (My father graduated from Plano High School). It was a great day for all, good food, good friends, good tea and very good geography (it felt like we were right at home)!

A couple of good quotes!

"The sage seeks freedom from all desire. He does not collect precious things. He learns not to hold on to grand ideas. He continually brings men back to what they have lost."

-- Lao Tzu

"A passion for learning is the beginning of true wealth. It is also the beginning of good health. It is also the beginning of real spirituality."

-- Jim Rohn

And then there's the coolest of the cool!