Thanks John Donlon!

Settle in, this is going to be a long blog!

As I always do, I have a song playing in my head this morning. Hearing this particular song in my head has brought up lot's of memories, some of them inspirational, some of them heart-wrenching. The song began playing in my head yesterday, after a conversation with my precious daughter, who continues to show herself to be more like me then I ever believe she is. I realized during that conversation that the things I say to her during our heart-wrenching conversations, when she's struggling with living life on her own terms, are the things I should have been saying to myself all the years of my life and wasn't. For many years I just hung onto the pain of being who I really am and didn't celebrate all the Grace available from experiencing the pain and getting to the other side of it. I don't want that for her, like me, my daughter is not a "skim the surface" person, she's a thinker and a person of convictions and beliefs. Unfortunately, like me also, she doesn't understand why the rest of the world doesn't seem to get it! My response to that feeling for most of my life has been to hide-out and avoid those that didn't seem to "get it"! It doesn't work, it doesn't feel good I don't want her to do that so I'm not going to anymore either!!!!

In that conversation I told her about a statement her father (also known as my x-husband) use to make about me, that statement was "Mia, you will march into Hell for someone you believe in but when you realize that person isn't marching into Hell with you, you beat them up! Not everyone is willing to work as hard or give up as much as you will give up, not even for themselves, much less someone else." (It's no a good idea to beat people up for not being why You are!) It's amazing the other times that "march into Hell" comment has shown up in my life. During my dark, dark days, my Coco would say "Meemo, one of the things I admire and respect about you the most is the fact that you will ‘march into Hell' for something or someone you believe in, but this time, you marched into Hell over a bed of burning coals barefooted!" (Not a good idea either. You shouldn't burn yourself for someone else's benefit, when you do, you lose your value you are to yourself and to others!) I've always wondered where that tendency of mine to "march into Hell" came from, it's a part of me that I love most! With the song playing in my head, I got the answer! This post is a celebration of the man that planted that seed and the man the seed was planted about.

My sister, who is 10 years older then I, was married to a man who was 12 years older than she. My beloved brother-in-law, who is no longer with us, was a defining influence in my life, more of an influence than I ever realized until today! John Brown was a wonderful, thoughtful, inspiring man. While he certainly had his shortcomings, like all of us do, the footprints he left on me are some of the most glorious and defining ones I have. I was never too young for him to have meaningful conversations with and I was never to young to hear his funny stories about the human behavior he encountered in his life and how he felt about it. He was conservative politically, deeply spiritual, a giver of gifts to keep forever. Upon my return from my time living in New York with my Dad, being very sad to be away from my Daddy, John Brown gave me a piece of art, the skyline of New York, so I could hang it on my wall, look at it and remember that wonderful time in my life. There were other gifts of that sort, thoughtful, considerate, lasting impression gifts. And, there were words, lot's of them. I realized this morning John Brown planted the "march into Hell" seed in me. The only other person I've ever heard that said about was my Dad and it was said by John Brown! I won't go into why he said that about my Dad, but it became such a statement by him to me about my Dad and how important it was to be that kind of a person, that he even gave me music that would help me "get that"! And now, I'm passing it on to my precious Daughter! Thank you John Donlon Brown, you were a marvelous human being and I miss you!

The song is from a broadway show, John Brown gave me the soundtrack. The line of the song that's playing in my head is "To be willing to march into Hell for a heavenly cause and I know if I'll only be true to that glorious quest then my heart will lay peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest." John Brown believed that, I believe that and I want my Precious Daughter to believe that also! The most glorious quest in life is to be true to who you really are, who God made you to be and what you believe in! So, march on my Precious Princess Daughter, but put your boots on please!

One more lesson for today, just because someone else says you are this or that, doesn't mean you are! Only You, by your actions, can say who you are in the world with any validity!!!!

Thank you Laran for bringing out my wonderful memories and the wonderful thoughts of the men who left their mark! Your existence in my life and the conversations we have are my own personal well of serendipity!!!!!!