Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day, A Tribute to the Mothers of My Life

Waking up this morning of course, I was thinking about my Mother and my Child. My thoughts of those two people are so different that it sometimes startles me. I also realized something I did yesterday, not as a conscious act, it just seemed to happen, connected me with two Mothers that have a special place in my life. I made a couple of phone calls that resulted in having conversations with the two Mothers, that weren't my biological mother, but were my Mothers nonetheless. Grandma Helen and Granny Doris! Being raised by a Grandmother who had a only child, a son, and who wasn't much of a girlie girl herself, my early lessons of being a girl were taught by Granny Doris. Granny Doris is 80-something, (she doesn't tell anyone her age); and is still the girliest girl I know. As a teenager and a young adult Grandma Helen took center stage. I think I'm beginning to understand for the first time where all the parts of me truly came from.

My Grandmother was, what my sister and I call a "shadowy person." Very unto herself, self-contained, sure that anything that needed to be done, she could do best. Not an egotistical stance, a stance taken out of necessity, the necessity of her only son showing up on her door step with three of his four children for her to help him raise; she was in her mid-sixties. She did a marvelous job. She saw to it that we were well clothed, well fed and well educated. What I didn't realize until today, she is also responsible for that part of me enjoys being alone, my being really happy with one really good black dress and, most of all, my understand that when I'm being who I really am, I do whatever has to be done to get to where I want to go. I miss my Grandmother! But, all I really have to do is take a minute, focus on my daughter and there she is, Zelma in a new generation. Claireeee, Zelme Me, Zelma You, and proud of it!

Granny Doris, the mother of my best friend from elementary school, who is still such a big part of my life. My legs and underarms got saved in her bathtub for the first time, my eyebrows plucked on her black leather couch. Granny Doris is one of the most sensual women I've ever known. While parading around the house late at night (checking to make sure we were alright) in her shortie nighty, she taught me that sex between a man and a woman is a precious experience, never something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. She also taught me that something covered up was far sexier than something exposed for the world to see. Those shortie nighties of her's were always the perfect length to ignite the imagination.

Grandma Helen, the most patient person I have ever known! Talk about being tested! I'm sure she doesn't see it that way though. Her rules were few, but you certainly knew when you had violated one of the few. The closest I can come to what she was like, the mother in "Moonstruck." Never shy about her feelings, but she never wasted a turn on something that didn't matter. A lesson I learned and used many times while raising my daughter. Most of the time, if I was yelling it was important, scary or was causing unnecessary fear. My lecture from Grandma Helen yesterday? In her New York, Polish manner, "Stop smoking and do it now and come see me!" Ok Grandma, I'll work on that!

And then, there's the Mother that actually gave me life! As much as I hate to admit it, she's always been there for me when I truly needed her. But, like me, she shows up in her own way, not necessarily the way I want her to or the way "society" says she should. Nope, she's certainly her own person, unique, one of a kind! Hmmmm, as much as I've fought it I think she did leave a good thing or two on me! I think I've just realized that I need to leave her alone, stop making her bad and wrong for just being who she is. My commitment from this day forward is to show the same respect and love for her that I want her to show to me! I'm truly grateful that she is who she is, if she wasn't, the Spice that is alive and well in me that I got from the other Mothers of my life would not be alive in me and I wouldn't be the me that there is so much about that I Love. Thanks Mom! I've struggled with my own insides long enough, I'm going to be me and I'm going to do the same for You, I'll let you be You.

To all the Mothers in my Life, whether you are mentioned above or not, Happy Mother's Day! And to my "Zelman Like" Precious Princess Daughter, thank you for making me a Mother and for being a daughter that I am so very proud of!